tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post1760878198239702579..comments2023-06-06T10:06:50.560-07:00Comments on The Pieces of My Life: Single MomLisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13707475877198220965noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-52942541110294271562011-12-10T15:09:28.557-08:002011-12-10T15:09:28.557-08:00definitely not alone in your feelings... i have NO...definitely not alone in your feelings... i have NO idea how single mom's really do it... it's hard with 2 kids, husband, working full time; and a 2 hour commute.. <br />hope things get better.. but you know they won't if they just stay the same... can't fit a round peg in a square hole ;)bella1021https://www.blogger.com/profile/08544391139579854684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-39269609842778793262011-12-07T17:19:28.175-08:002011-12-07T17:19:28.175-08:00I just stumbled on your blog via Once Upon A Time....I just stumbled on your blog via Once Upon A Time. I have 2 year old twins so I completely understand the stress and workload associated with raising kids. <br />This post really resonated with me because there have been so many times when I think the same thing to myself. I am still married but the brunt of the housework and kids lands with me. I seriously don't understand how some men can be so oblivious to things that are so obvious. "Uh, duh the trash needs to be taken out. You didn't notice things falling on the floor"?<br />I often feel like I have 3 children and there are some days when my husband makes more of a mess than my twins.<br />I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in your feelings. Looking forward to reading more on your blog!Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01416602666916380706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-44396492373072267722011-12-07T05:12:39.258-08:002011-12-07T05:12:39.258-08:00cindy,
thank you so much for sharing your story....cindy, <br /><br />thank you so much for sharing your story...it really did hit a nail with me. I undertstand completly! Gave me some things to consider, so thanks!Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13707475877198220965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-17095328359150990222011-12-06T18:11:46.072-08:002011-12-06T18:11:46.072-08:00I don't have kids, but I sometimes feel a litt...I don't have kids, but I sometimes feel a little like this. I don't work full time, so I often feel like it's just my job to do certain things. But I do go to school full time and work part time so I am out and busy all day like he is. I have a feeling if we ever have kids, I will do most of the tedious work associated with them, like cleaning ect. And since I used to work in a daycare, I know it's really common for things to end up that way. I think most of t is just because guys simply don't care. They don't care how clean the house is and they aren't as concerned with spending quality time with their kids either.andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12810453441661151388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-61781382576518972752011-12-06T15:36:25.142-08:002011-12-06T15:36:25.142-08:00Lisa,
We have some similarities, some, not all. M...Lisa,<br />We have some similarities, some, not all. My children are grown, but in the early days I was sole caregiver to the kids and my husband was a workaholic, older than me, with an older child with his first wife. I shared some of your feelings, bordering on resentment at times. Fortunately, when the tar hit the road, we talked and things got better (not perfect, but better), and I got a little insight which helped a lot.<br /><br />My husband's point of view when it finally hit the fan was "I had no idea. You do it so well and take on more and more all the time outside of the house". To summise it, he saw me juggling our children, our home, our business, my husband, taking care of all of this while still keeping myself up, volunteering at school and other activities. I was supermom, and I did it well. That's what he saw. He paid me a huge compliment at the time, he thought I was amazing. <br /><br />When I pointed out my stress, he said, okay, what can I help with, but he also pointed out some home truths. <br /><br />We owned our own business and to enjoy the fruits of that labour, he had to put in long hours and focus hard. Was I willing to take the consequences of lessening that effort? Since we weren't living the high life, I had to really consider that. He was building our future, not just for me and him, but for our children.<br /><br />Secondly, he pointed out that some of the things I was stressing over were in my control alone. I wanted to do what I wanted, keep my level of standards and activities, but wanted him to give up his to help me with mine.<br /><br />He was willing to help more with the things that mattered. But did point out that I could give up some of my volunteer work and eliminate some of the stress for MYSELF.<br /><br />It turned out, he was right. He helped a little more when I asked, so that he was helping with the things I was happy letting go (I was somewhat a perfectionist and that's a turnoff to people when you ask for their help). <br /><br />I scaled back my volunteering at the school and my other activities.<br /><br />I didn't resent him as much because he had been honest and helped me see some of it as it was. I'm the kind of person that if there is a need, I fill it and that's what was putting us over the top... not my children and my home.<br /><br />I won't say he was totally right, but I will say that we both had our priorities askew and some honest conversation helped us immensely.<br /><br />I hope this helps and it's taken with the kind intent it was given.<br /><br />Thank goodness you are not really a single parent but a parent singlehandedly handling parental duties.<br /><br />Good luck!<br />Cindycindyjeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07401408296111550597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-81822680850110422942011-12-06T11:56:56.534-08:002011-12-06T11:56:56.534-08:00REAL single moms are my HERO!!REAL single moms are my HERO!!Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13707475877198220965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-29835823185880336852011-12-06T11:55:54.555-08:002011-12-06T11:55:54.555-08:00Anon, I completely understand what you are saying,...Anon, I completely understand what you are saying, but I just dont know what else to call it. I do 99.9999% of the parenting on my own. But I know how good I have it, and even said in my post that I wouldnt change a thing. I am truly blessed for all we have been given and am forever grateful. I do however wish my H would OFFER to help, thats it!Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13707475877198220965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-12584015327416904022011-12-06T09:25:12.425-08:002011-12-06T09:25:12.425-08:00I completely understand what you're saying, bu...I completely understand what you're saying, but I think you should be careful about labeling yourself a 'single mom'. A single mom has to do 100% of everything and make the money, get up EVERY time in the middle of the night, pay every bill, watch the kids while doing the dishes...etc. As a stay at home mom myself I get how difficult it is, and I only have one. I can't imagine how busy your life is, and I think if you're unhappy (or maybe just a little dissatisfied) with how things are then your hubby should absolutely help you more, but try to focus on the good and the fact that you're NOT a single mom. Single moms everywhere would love to be in your shoes!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-70330780249851391452011-12-05T18:58:59.843-08:002011-12-05T18:58:59.843-08:00Regardless of any previous "deal" you gu...Regardless of any previous "deal" you guys made, everyone is entitled to a break, and you need and deserve one! Relationships and situations evolve and grow. He(and you) can't expect a deal you made while still dating to fit into your life now. Your not going to be able to handle the entire load by yourself before something has to give! I understand that my situation is quite different than most people though so I don't know if you'll take any advice I have to give. :) I'm here if you need to talk, vent or gossip!Danahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08915511660967705579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-12851600945382941142011-12-05T11:08:48.282-08:002011-12-05T11:08:48.282-08:00Hang in there Lisa! You are right its never 50/50,...Hang in there Lisa! You are right its never 50/50, Its about 70/30 or 80/20 around here depending on the day. <br /><br />I think your DH has probably come to expect that you will always be on top of things because you do such a good job and thats why he doesn't notice how tired you are of all the extra work. My DH doesn't seem to notice how many balls I'm juggling until I drop one and then offers to pick it up.<br /><br />All I can say is, hopefully he'll step up and offer more to help, especially in this busy holiday season. Just know you are not alone and a lot of us are in this boat with you.NainaDGhttp://www.goldgirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-43181721769807164752011-12-05T06:56:20.599-08:002011-12-05T06:56:20.599-08:00Thanks Jodi...I do think its this way for a lot of...Thanks Jodi...I do think its this way for a lot of us. Its hard at times! I'm going to look into that book, sounds interesting!Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13707475877198220965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2619554391997370033.post-79604165244630765412011-12-05T06:04:46.571-08:002011-12-05T06:04:46.571-08:00There was a time when i thought it would be 50/50 ...There was a time when i thought it would be 50/50 too. With us it's probably 90/10. I think this happens a lot. Admittedly when dh does something and it isn't my way it bugs me. I am a control freak it's just those days when they (2 3.5 yr olds) are pulling me to pieces and I wonder why aren't you helping me! Hang in there I just ordered a book the keys to the kingdom by ann armstrong. IT is supposed to teach us why men are the way they are and how to get what we need and want from them with out having to destroy our marriage trying to do so. It's all about crafty manipulation! Thks fro being brave enough to post this!Jodihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15854884678638215836noreply@blogger.com