I Have Been Meaning To Do This

For a long time, start a blog that is. Not only do I want to document our struggle and journey through infertility, but also as a place to vent and let it all out when I am having a rough day. Because honestly, I feel very alone going through this. I know no one personally that is dealing with infertility or people that have struggled in the past, so no one in my life really knows how to relate to what I am going through. They are all supportive in many ways, but I still feel alone.

I have noticed the last 2-3 weeks or so certain things are really starting to become more and more difficult for me. Not saying that up until this point I have been fine everyday, because this has certainly been hard from day 1, but it is starting to effect me more and more everyday it seems like. Especially now that we know for sure that we will never be able get pregnant on our own without medical help.

When we first started TTC (before we had known issues) when I would hear of someone becoming pregnant I would be very happy for them and just think to myself "We're next!" excited to hear of others getting to join in on the joys of being pregnant and having a baby. Now when I hear someone I know is pregnant it kills me inside, I feel the tears boiling up inside every time no matter where I am. It is getting harder and harder for me to attend baby showers, first birthdays, baptisms, etc. I get an overwhelming sense of sadness every time I am in one of these situations now. And its not that I am not happy for these people, that has nothing to do with it.....its just "Why not us" We want this baby SO badly, are financially and mentally stable....and we cant. Why?