12dpiui

Here I am 12dpiui, my usual test date. But not this time! This 2ww is the last 2ww I will ever have. The last time I will ever have a possibility of being pregnant, so I am going to milk it for all its worth. In all honestly, I thought is was going to be really really hard to wait until 14 days past my IUI to test, because usually I am DYING to know by 12 days. This time remains different, because its been easy. Almost too easy. I don't want it to end, I want to stay in my hope bubble.

Reality is though, is that deep down I don't think I'm pregnant. However in some weird way, I still have hope. Hope that it could be possible. I know every pregnancy is different, but I have had NO symptoms at all. None, zero, zilch, nada. Except for low back pain for the last few days, which could easily be from totting around a 25 pound toddler. I went back and through my blog, and found my BFP symptoms post after my successful cycle with M, and they were all typical pregnancy symptoms, none of which I have :(

So here I will stay in my hope bubble until the morning of Thanksgiving. To which I will wake up, POAS, and then regardless of the results, come out and face the world and enjoy my day and all its blessings. Because I really do have SO much to be thankful for.

2 more sleeps!

2ww Turmoil

Today I am 6dpiui and doing fine, but the days leading up to this point have not been so great. And just like how everything about the beginning of this cycle has been different, so has this 2ww....

I started spotting at 2dpiui, and spotted pink, red, brown, and everything in between on and off until 4dpiui. That has NEVER happened to me. I have had 6 IUI's, 2 HSG's, 2 Saline Sono's, and never once spotted after any of those procedures. I have even joked in the past that my cervix is made of steel. So this was driving me completely batty. BUT I did have sex that day, so I chalked it up to my cervix being irritated from the IUI and my husband having moves like Jagger.

Now that that drama has finally commenced, we've moved onto happier times. Surprisingly, this 2ww is actually flying by! I started progesterone on 3dpiui, and although I haven't experienced any real symptoms yet, I *think* I had some mild cramping on and off on 4dpiui. Which is a great sign in my book. The cycle I got pregnant with M, I had mild AF type cramps from 4-7dpiui. 

And just to leave you all on the edge of your seats a little longer, I've decided not to test on my usual 12dpiui this cycle, but rather wait until 14dpiui (on Thanksgiving) to test. This is the last time I will ever get to hope that I could be pregnant, so I want to hang onto that and stay in my hope bubble as long as possible.

Breathe Lisa breathe....

Life Lately

Man, I hate not being able to blog more than once a week, because when that happens I have like 2947629204 things to say and my posts become a jarbled mess about everything. Well this is going to be one of those posts, along with some pictures of course. I've been crazy busy with lots of things going on...so where do we start...

I continued my birthday celebration and had a fabulous girls weekend here at The W Hotel. Here we call them "staycations". Its where you check into one of the local resorts in the summer and have little getaway without leaving the city. Its very popular here in the summer, then the snow birds come in and take over. It was the most perfect weekend! I had SO much fun! Our weekend included going out for cocktail's, lounging pool side, and sushi of course! All kid and husband free...because every girl needs that once in a while.

K started back at school last Thursday. 2nd grade people! Boy this summer went by SO quick!

I cant believe it. I am going to miss the little booger with me all the time. It was a lot less stressful starting school this year because her first grade teacher looped up to 2nd grade and took her whole class with her. So K has the same teacher and classmates as last year! Easy peasy. She also started dance again, so we are at the dance studio 2 afternoon's a week.

 Little M is fabulous these days, we are loving this age. She is 19 months, can you believe that?!

(blurry but so cute!)

She is slowly starting to talk more, she tries she really does. She says: Dada, mama, kay kay, cat, meow, quack quack, die die (bye bye, lol.), cup, hi, hug, eyes, nose, and a few more. She LOVES to give kisses and loves to draw. Circles are her favorite...

She's learning her shapes and colors, loves playing with her little people, baby doll, and books. We are already thinking about putting her in school part time once she turns 2 after the new year.

She is also a teething mess right now, cutting all 4 incisors at once. These and the molars have been the worst. But she's still a little angel!

Work has been stressful, business has been SO bad the last couple months, which is kinda scary. However I am hopeful that things will turn around soon. We've had bad times before and bounced back, but this has been pretty bad. It's been a stresser that's for sure!

And on the TTC front, I am 16 or 17 dpo and still waiting on my period to show up! ARG! That's the one thing I hate about not taking progesterone in the 2ww....being out of control. I took a trigger shot, so surely I O'ed, but I do think I have a cyst. Ever since my trigger, my left ovary has been really bothering me so maybe that's why I haven't gotten AF yet? Who knows, hopefully that b!tch shows up soon because the plan is to stat bcp once she arrives to prep for IVF. We are still trying to work out the finances, but I am hoping and praying it works out. In any case, I am preparing and going on bcp's is the first step!

So as you can see we've been really busy, and we have family in town this week but hopefully I can get back to blogging regularly again soon! Miss you guys!

8 Days In

And man this 2ww is driving me CRAZY! I feel like I am over analyzing everything. Every twinge, every cramp, every single sign that could possibly mean that I am pregnant. Truth is, I dont know. At least last cycle with our extremely low counts I knew our chances were slim. I knew it didn't work, I just knew it. So I spent my whole 2ww telling myself that and not worrying about it, while secretly praying for a miracle. This time I am much more hopeful!!

Because we had much more sperm this time around, in my mind we had a decent shot! And it could have really worked! So enter the 2ww hell of mind games and torture. Combine that with the nagging voice in the back of my mind reminding me that none of these attempts may work. That I need to be prepared to never experience pregnancy and child birth again. Never knowing what M's little sister (putting it out there already) may have looked like. And closing that whole chapter of my life. I know I have 2 beautiful girls, and believe me I know how extremely lucky I am to have them! Every night I hold each of them tightly thanking god for giving me such amazing gifts. But am I ready to say at 28 years old that I will never mother another? That is always at the back of my mind. Always. and I hate that the choice has been taken away from me. DAMN YOU INFERTILITY!!

For now my focus is making it through this week and hopefully seeing TWO glorious lines on Saturday morning!! In the mean time, I am pumping myself full of progesterone, taking a baby aspirin, drinking a big glass of POM juice every morning (something new I am trying this cycle to increase blood flow to the ute), and PRAYING!