One Month

That is how long I have been smoke free! It is has been exactly one month and one day since I had my last cigarette and I don't miss it at all!! All my cravings are gone, and I actually think it is disgusting and stinky now. It is hard to believe that the smell that is making me gag now, is the same smell that a month ago I longed for.

I really do think that I will never smoke again. This time feels different from all the other times I tried to quit. I am very proud of myself and think I can now officially call myself a NON-SMOKER!

Finally Some Good News!

I am happy to report that I had my u/s this morning and my cyst is GONE! I am so thankful and happy that we finally have some good news because I don't think I would have been able to handle more bad news right now!! So YAY we can finally start taking steps in the right direction!

Some interesting news I found out is that when I had my b/w done last cycle my prolactin level came back elevated. Prolactin is a hormone from the pituitary gland and is primarily produced in lactating women. WTF?! They did say that it was only elevated by a point or 2, but they were going to re test it today along with all my other b/w that I needed to get done. So we'll see.

Now I can move forward and get my other testing finished! I have my HSG scheduled for next Monday the 18th, and then a follow up appointment with my RE on the 26th to go over all my test results and come up with a PLAN!!! I am so happy and excited that hopefully next cycle we will be doing some sort of treatment!

You Like?

So I decided to break away from the standard blogger template. Mine just looked so blah. The things is that I did not want to totally change it so I tried to stay with the same sort of colors, font, etc. Maybe I am just a creature of habit. I hope everyone likes it! And most importantly I still want it to be easy to read, so if you have any thoughts or suggestions please leave a comment!

Me and my husband on going on a date night tonight to see Bill Maher. We really like watching his show on HBO so we are really looking forward to it!

Then its off to go get vag cammed in the morning : )

Got The Call Back

They did not have any openings today, so I am going in on Sunday morning at 8:45 am! They had a opening tomorrow morning, but Kay has dance class and it is the first one of the new dance school year so she cant miss it.

So Sunday it is! I will update after my appointment. Wish me luck!

A New Leaf

After a 36 day cycle the bitch finally showed up this morning!!! Thank god!

Today is offically CD1 of what hopefully will be a new chapter! I left a message with the nurses line and hopefully I will be able to get in today for my baseline stuff and cyst check. I don't want to waste another day "waiting" so I really hope they can fit me in somewhere. I pray that the cyst is gone and we can get the baby ball rolling.....finally.

I also want to have a meeting with the RE to go over my DH's S/A results and see what he thinks about us trying IUI's. DH is not ready financially for IVF just yet (we are all OOP) but is okay with IUI's for now. He knows that the HCG injects are helping, he can feel it, and there are other signs that it is working too. So we are hoping that the Dr. agrees and maybe we have a good chance with IUI's.

We'll see!!

"He who has hope has everything." - Arabian Proverb

Fertile vs. Infertile Women

I saw this somewhere and had to share...sad but SO true!!


Faint line at 11dpo
Fertile Woman: “I’m pregnant!” (tells friends, family and sticks a pregnancy ticker on her siggy)
IF Woman: “It’s probably a false positive….”

Strong line at 15dpo
Fertile Woman: Picking names…
IF Woman: “I’m not pregnant until its official with a beta”

Beta #1 comes back great
Fertile Woman: “I’m sure its twins”
IF Woman: “I won’t consider myself pregnant until I see a doubling beta”

Beta doubles
Fertile Woman: Starts working on designs for the nursery
IF Woman: “I won’t consider myself pregnant until I see a heartbeat”

Heartbeat
Fertile Woman: Starts shopping for maternity clothes…
IF Woman: “I won’t consider myself pregnant until I’m past the first trimester…”

End of First Trimester
Fertile Woman: “I can’t wait to know boy or girl already!”
IF Woman: “I won’t breathe a sigh of relief until my amnio comes back OK….”

End of Second Trimester
Fertile Woman: Has a baby shower
IF Woman: “I won’t breathe a sigh of relief till I’m clear for gestational diabetes and Rh antibodies…”

Third Trimester
Fertile Woman: “Pregnancy sucks. I can’t wait till he/she is here already”
IF Woman: “Wow.. I actually may be pregnant..!”

Birth of the baby
Fertile Woman: “We have a baby!”
IF Woman: “We have a miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Are You Kidding Me?

I CAN NOT GET AWAY FROM BABIES. I swear the fertile world is against me. This is on my dashboard here on blogger.com

The latest from Blogger Buzz
Blogger Babies
August 4, 2008 — permalink
Babies are all the buzz at Blogger. Within the last few months we've had three new additions to the Blogger Team: Ryan, Aditya, and Haley. Although it'll probably be a few years before they start sounding off themselves, we get to post some cute pics of them now.

Great, now even the place come to vent about infertility is putting babies in my face. Thanks a lot blogger!

CD 34 and The Secret

AGHHH! I am now on CD 34 and still no AF. For you charters out there, I did have tiny temp drop today but nothing significant. Damn it! The longest cycle I have ever had was 35 days, and here I am on CD 34 and no sign of her yet. This is not even right. I don't think I have ever wanted AF so badly and here I am with what probably will be my record for longest cycle. GO FIGURE! I better have another temp dip tomorrow or I am going to go postal. I am not even nervous about the scary HSG test anymore, I actually WANT to get it done. That will mean that I will finally be on my way to some answers and some sort of treatment.

I am really trying to be positive, but after being kicked when your down so many times it makes it really hard. Every time I get like this (bitter and negative) I pick up The Secret and read it again. It always puts me back in a good place again, but I let my friend Ambie borrow it, so I don't have it now. I am a firm believer in that you get what you put out there, so if you are negative all the time, negative things will happen to you and vice versa. I don't believe in everything that the book says, but the general message. I don't believe, for example, that if you THINK you are skinny, that you will be and that's it. I do believe however that if you think that your body is a gift and and that you deserve it, and that food is nourishment for your body you will be thinner because you will make better food choices.

If you wake up thinking bad or negative thoughts and think to yourself "I am going to have a bad day today" do you think you are going to have a good happy day? NO! Your going to have a shitty day because you started your day off like that. You get what you put out there. You set yourself up for a terrible day. If you wake up and the first thing you do is be thankful for all the good and wonderful things in your life I guarantee you will have a better day. It really does make a difference in your life having that kind of mind frame all the time!! You are the only one that is in charge of YOU. You are the only one that can control how you feel, what kind of outlook you are going to have, and your life. It is also very easy to get off track and let the negativity from day to day life take over, but like anything else it is how you acknowledge that and move on from difficult times that define you.

So for those of you that have not read The Secret I suggest you pick it up!! Tomorrow is a new day. I am going to wake up with a more positive outlook, be thankful for all that I do have, and hopefully start my period : )

Why Do I Do This To Myself?

I go onto the success after IF board once in a while to follow up on some of the TTTC'ers who have graduated but EVERY time I end up leaving depressed and on the verge of tears. Don't get me wrong I am EXTREMELY happy for these women!!! These aren't the usual fertiles I am jealous of, each and everyone of those women deserves this and I am truly overjoyed for them. If I could personally congratulate each one of them I would. They all have dealt with IF and know what a miracle pregnancy actually is and how lucky they are. They also give me hope because they have over come their challenges with infertility and all gotten pregnant. So that's not the issue...

I just get so sad being overwhelmed with all the pregnancy tickers, belly shots, u/s pics, due dates, and baby pics. I just want to be one of them so bad and for this horrible chapter in my life to be over.

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason, but I cant possibly see any reason why this is happening to me or what good can come out of struggling with infertility. It is simply not fair.

Happy Birthday To Me

WOW another year older! I am turning 26 today, and although I am not nearly as freaked out as when I turned 25, it is still crazy to think that I am 26. Another year closer to 30. YIKES! Not that I think that is old, because it is not old at all!! I just cant imagine ME being that age. I really do think that 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30, and so on.

Birthdays have always been a really big deal to me. I am not sure if it is because I was pretty much a only child and was spoiled rotten on every birthday as a child or what, but even as a adult my birthday celebrations last AT LEAST 3-4 days prior and post my actual birthday.

So it all started 2 days ago. I went to the most upscale mall here and got my new Michael Kors bag and spent the day shopping. It was for quitting smoking and my birthday gift sort of thing. They did not have the exact one I wanted (it sold out), but I gone one that was equally fabulous!!! It is so new, that the ad campaign for it is not even out yet! So I am VERY excited about my new purse....made me a very happy girl. I got a few other things as well. It was a nice day of retail therapy for me.

Since today is my actual birthday today I am having a dinner with my family at an old Italian spot here. It has been a family favorite for years now and it will be nice to have everyone together to celebrate. Then tomorrow night my parents are keeping Kaylee and DH is taking me to Trader Vic's. I have been DIEING to go there since it opened, so I am very excited!! So all in all it should be a great birthday this year.

P.S. I am on CD 30 and still waiting for AF! I have been PMSing pretty bad so hopefully she shows up soon before I kill someone.