What Have I Got Myself Into

Yesterday was my consult with my RE (aka the baby making Dr.). Driving there I had butterflies in my stomach...wondering how I was going to feel walking in there again. Part of me was so scared that all those nasty feelings would come rushing back and part of me was very excited! Part of me couldn't believe I was actually doing what I was doing. Going BACK to the infertility Dr! It all just seemed so surreal driving there. Do I really want to do this all again? Do I really want to put myself back in that place? I keep telling myself that this was just a consult, just an appointment to see what our options are and I really have been looking forward to this but reality hit me driving there and it was like WHOA I cant believe I am here!

I walked in, signed myself in, and sat down with a magazine. It was after lunch, so pretty soon, one by one, couples started coming in. I was soon surrounded by people whispering about the cost of IVF, how 8,000.00 was better than the 12,000.00 last time, husbands dropping off sperm samples, and that awkward silence that seems to loom over the waiting room. Ya know because being at a infertility Dr. is such a happy place and all. And I surprisingly was calm and comfortable, which is what I was worried about. It was much less scary being there now that I've done it all before. Much less.

They all remembered me, which is another thing that surprised me. I haven't been there since May/June 2009! My RE walked out and gave me a hug and said it was nice to see me...I asked him if he knew then that I'd be back one day and that M just turned a year old. It was a much more casual encounter than a typical reproductive consult, probably because I have worked with RESOLVE and met him and his family at the Walk of Hope for the last 2 years. He has twins that he conceived by doing his own IVF! I guess that one of the perks...making your your own babies! The unconventional way.

We sat down and after talking about the baby and my crazy birth story, we got down to business. I told him I was there because we have thought about having another baby, but after I hit 12 weeks he went back on the testosterone shot...to which he yelled out "NOOOOOO". Yeah, I know. That's like saying I wanna get pregnant but I have no uterus! I reminded him that we had 2 sperm samples and as we looked over the analysis of those, we realized that even though that is the case, it doesn't look too promising for us, unless we want to do IVF with ICSI. I mean we have a shot and could use them for insemination's, but achieving a pregnancy realistically may not happen.

And this is why.

The 2 sperm samples my husband submitted filled 13 little vials. Each one of those vials contains contains 4 ml of fluid. In each one of my husbands 13 vials there in somewhere between 2-3 million sperm. And when defrosting frozen sperm you lose up to 50% in the thaw and spin. So yeah, 13 vials sounds like so much, but really its crap because there probably only 1-2 mil. good sperm in each one of those vials.

This all got me thinking about how donor sperm works, I mean its frozen and people use it all the time! Well he told me that in a donor sperm vial there would be a minimum 10 mil. sperm per vial and that's a minimum. And my DH has 2-3mil. Now do you see the problem? I means its not impossible, just unlikely.

Dr. J and I tossed around some other ideas....like DH going back on HCG injects and just trying fresh IUI's (given the hcg worked again).  But that is asking a lot out of my husband- injects 3x per week, more sperm analysis's (after M was born he told me he would never do it in a cup again, poor guy..hahaha!), and all the monitoring. I'm just not sure he would be down to put his body through that again. And I don't blame him. We put him through so much trying to have M, and although we know now what worked, like I said I'm just not sure he would go through all that again. I know what he going to say...lets just use what we have.

My RE did say he would like to "just see" if he is making any sperm now that he is back on male birth control, although highly highly unlikely there much going on in there. I am interested to see myself, so I brought home a sperm collection cup and put a smiley face on it.....he may throw it at me. We'll see ; ) See isn't this romantic?

Then we moved onto to me.

I asked him if he thinks I should repeat all my testing (CD 3 u/s, b/w, and the dreaded HSG) and he thinks that because our sperm is so scarce, he would hate to use it all up for nothing if I did have a blocked tube (even though they were wide open last time, that can change) and I agree! I really don't mind doing it, because it really would all be for nothing if a tube is blocked and that's the only way to tell. I mean I am not looking forward to it, being that some people have been known to pass out from the pain. But if you remember last time I had it done, I was one of the lucky ones....it was not bad at all for me! So I'm game.

So "the plan" for now is to at least get my testing done this cycle or next and at least use the sperm we have with IUI's sometime before May (that's when we have to pay our storage fees again, and I have a unopened 300 unit cartridge of Follistim in my fridge I want to use that expires in June). We probably have enough for maybe 2 IUI's. Last time it took 3. And its frozen sperm. And I'm just  not sure if I should get myself all "We're going to have another baby mode" because the reality is, it doesn't look too great and we don't have infinite resources. We are all out of pocket and these treatments aren't cheap!! I'm just not sure how far we are willing to go or even IF we are willing to pursue anything if this doesn't work. I mean we are blessed enough to have 2 beautiful little girls and I know how lucky I am to even have them, so I guess I might have to just find a way to be done if this doesn't work.

So here we are again.....

Should I put my infertility acronyms back up on my side panel? Or do yall understand what, IF, BC, U/S, B/W, S/A, and OOP mean? : )

The Birthday Girl

Today Little M is 1 years old and we can hardly believe it! Poor little thing doesn't feel to well either :( She has a little cold, but nothing too bad. Today is all about her! We started the day at the gym where she loves to play with her little friends, then we had a play date at Peter Piper Pizza. We are going to keep it low key today and celebrate as a family because her party isn't until next weekend. Then we will go BIG :)

Speaking of her birthday....I am in full on party planning mode now and I love it! I have been hitting up all my favorite stores for their after Christmas sales trying to scoop up any snowflake or bling I can find on sale. Best part is I can use all of this stuff next year to decorate my house with, so its a win win! And I don't feel bad about spending so much money just on her party. Because lets face it, she is only 1. But I have some big plans for this little girl because she deserves to be celebrated in style no matter what the age!!

Here is her invite...SO beautiful! It was hard to get a good picture of it though...

It's going to be a winter ONEderland that's for sure!! I cant wait!!

Happy Birthday Miss M!!

Favorite Things: Suuuuuushhheeeee!

Okay so I don't know if you guys know this but I LOVE SUSHI! Like love. I went to a new place today called Tokyo Lobby and I have never in my life had better or fresher sushi than this place today. It is my absolute new fav!!

The Yellow tail..hands down best.ever.I've ever had. 

"The Boston" a California roll topped with spicy tuna? (I think) and row with a yummy sauce. This one was our least favorite...it was good, but had a very different taste...couldn't put my hands on what it was.  

"The Eel Tempura" Eel, crab, cream cheese, deep fried with yummy sweet eel sauce. M's fav roll!

"The Momma Mia". California roll topped with Salmon and tuna with  a very unique different very delicious sauce that I have never had before. It was SOOO good.

And last by certainly not least..."The Orgasm" and rightfully so! This was This is BY FAR the best roll I have ever had and was my personal favorite. It was a shrimp tempura but instead of being wrapped in seaweed and white rice, it was wrapped in very thinly sliced salmon. MY GOD it was amazing!!

So if your in the Phoenix area and love sushi you must go here. It isn't too big, or blingy,  but the food speaks for itself in a big way!

Meal Planning Monday

• Teriyaki-Beer Skirt Steak with baked potatoes.
• Chicken and Noodle Casserole with a side salad.
• Crockpot Pasta Fagioli Soup. If you follow me on Twitter, then you know the last time I tried to make this is was a HUGE fail. But I see where I went wrong...First of all don't add the pasta until the last 15-20 min. before serving, otherwise the noodles get WAY over cooked and turn to mush. Also, It didn't seem like much pasta, so I added more (I used the short macaroni shaped pasta like these). Big mistake. The whole thing turned into a big mushy mess. But I've given this recipe to others, who followed these new steps and they love it. So I'm gonna give it another try.
• Asian Turkey Meatballs with brown rice.
• Broiled Salmon with Rosemary. We all love Salmon in this house, so I make a million different ways! Served with a mixed baby green salad and sauteed red, yellow, and green bell peppers.

Merry Christmas

 Remember how I told you that I would share our Christmas cards...well here it is! They were glossy folded cards. 

The Front:  

The Inside (top and bottom):

and you already saw the very back here.

I hope you all have a blessed Christmas filled with the ones you love.

Santa Baby

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas this year!!

Just In Case You Forgot..

How massively HUGE I was this time last year...here is a frightening picture to remind you.

Yeah...This photo was taken on Christmas Eve last year and exactly one week later Miss M was born. I honestly don't think I could have gotten any bigger. Seriously....That ain't right. I mean look how small my boobs looks??! That right there tells you how big my stomach was. Okay, well maybe they dont look that small...but still!

See this is why we take belly shots...so you can look back one day and say OMG, I was HUGE! 

Oh How You've Grown...

With Miss M's 1 first Birthday just over a week away, I thought we'd take a trip down memory lane.

At birth...

And Kay looks so small : (

And the 2 months...taken with my iPhone because my camera broke, remember?

Stay tuned for the 12 month!

I cant believe how fast it went and how that little teeny weeny baby turned into a walking, talking, baby with 8 teeth in just 12 months that seemed like just a blink of an eye. Here we are on the verge of toddler hood and I look at my two little girls playing and laughing together and I cant believe how far we've come. On this blog, in my life, and as a mother. I just feel so blessed. So blessed to have them. I love having 2 girls! And the bond they already share is such a beautiful thing...Kay told me she loves her sister more than vanilla bean ice cream AND cupcakes. That bond is strong ; )

I'll be posting all about her party details soon, which is on January 8th!  We are doing a snowflake/winter ONEderland theme. I cant wait!! But I must admit it's been a little hard to focus on with Christmas and the holidays. I guess we'll have to get used to that.

All I Want For Christmas

Is a nice, new grill pan like this one from Williams-Sonoma....

Because the cheaper ones (like I have now) the grooves are too squared off and too close together, making it really hard to clean. And because of that I never want to use it. I really want a nice one because I love cooking, and indoor grilling :)

A heart rate monitor like this one.

So I can accurately track my calories burned and my heart rate during my workouts. Everyone in my boot camp class has them, and seriously one girl will burn 375 calories and one will burn 795 calories!! Both of them are comparable sizes, its amazing. Those machines are not even CLOSE to accurate, it is all variable based on your heart rate and endurance level. Plus, once my boot camp is over (this week is the last week for me) I plan on spinning again, and you simply cant spin without a heart rate monitor- because its all about what zone you are in!

And because my L necklace is no longer, I've been shopping around for replacements. I really really really love this Key from Tiffany's...

but with a 1,000 dollar price tag a girl can dream.....they make one in a sterling sliver here, but I like the diamonds ; )  My DH said he was looking for another necklace for me for Christmas, but not another L. He still thinks we will find it one day. He knows whatever it is, it has to be SMALL and understated and be my personality. And the Key it is...but it is mucho denario. But honestly, its really going to be hard to even try to replace the "L".

I also found this Karma necklace that I love...it is very small and dainty with a much smaller price tag. I emailed the link to my hubs :) It is a circle that represents Karma...what goes around comes around. I live by that, so it's perfect!

So we'll see what Santa brings this year : ) Anything your dieing for???



Mommy and Me

Aprons : )

Alright...who am I foolin?? We didnt bake anything in those aprons silly!

You guys should know better than that! But we did make dinner ;)

Then yesterday I went and helped out in Kay's class while they made Gingerbread Houses!

Fun Holiday times!