Wednesday, December 19, 2012

What Happened With Me

Over the summer I went through a really deep depression. One that I have never experienced before. I think L leaving was what really set it off. I didn't want to do anything, my normal activities were no longer fun, my marriage was suffering, I felt like a horrible mother, I felt guilty, and helpless. It was HORRIBLE and I would never want to wish that on anyone.

There were days I would take the girls to school, and then come home and climb back in bed. I stopped going to the gym, I gained 10lbs, I couldn't make decisions, I almost didn't know how to function. It was like I was a zombie walking around in a shell of my body. Funny thing is, is this all started while I was already taking my anti anxiety/anti depression drug.

All I wanted was to be "me" and I couldn't. After months of toying with new drugs, new doses, and so on, I finally started to feel better sticking with what I was on in the first place, just at a higher dose. But it took 6 months to figure it out, and I suffered every single day of those 6 months. I hope I never experience that again and if your reading this and experiencing real depression, hang in there. Keep the hope that tomorrow will be better, that tomorrow will be the day that you finally start enjoying life again, and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

If you need someone to talk to, or want advice, or have questions, you can email me at mrslisap at gmail dot com.


Denise said...

I am so sorry to hear about this! I am so happy to hear that you are doing better and that your cousin's daughter is doing well! Glad to see you are blogging again!

Heather said...

So very sorry the past 6 months have been so rough for you :( Glad to hear you are feeling better & happy to see you are back to blogging again! Was wondering what had happened to you & missed seeing those beautiful girls ;)

laugavitz said...

hello I have been somewhat of a silent reader over the years and I just wanted to THANK YOU for posting this as I am in the thick of my depression right now (insurance/meds issues) it just feels so good/nice to know that I am not alone (and a huge failure in my mind)