Got My Med List...Wowza~!

Yesterdays appointment was intense. Intense because it was SO much info to take in. First we paid *gulp* 10,050.00 to get going, met the IVF occorinator and we went over and signed the consents, which is a lot of info in itself considering it alone is about 20 something pages. Then we went over all the meds I will be on and when and how I will be taking them(I will get into that in minute), monitoring visits, and calendar. Then it was onto how to prepare the dosages and do an injection, etc. I have never in my life given myself a shot and I was SO very nervous about this! But after her showing me everything I feel alot better about this part of it all....although it is still quite scary to think that every night I will be giving myself up to 4 shots into my stomach! After the appointment I felt so much better, relieved I guess you could say considering I walked yesterday a nervous wreck about all this. On top of it all I have been feeling really crappy lately, like I am getting a cold and just have been really sluggish all day. I think I need a good day of rest.

So now onto the drugs....

I will start stims next Saturday using Follistim Then at some point I will be adding Ganirelix and low dose HCG to the list of daily injections. I will also be taking baby asprin and a pnv everyday. I will be going in every other day for a visit with the vag cam and to get b/w, then on CD 8 I will also start OPK's which that will be weird because I gave those up many a months ago.

When I have produced a good number of follicles I will do a trigger shot (my last shot!!) of either Ovidrel or Lupron depending on how things have progressed, have my ER, then I get to start a whole other list of meds! But at least I will be done with the shots at this point! After ER will start a oral steriod, Estrace, and a progesterone supplement(either PIO, suppositories, gels, or pills).

Stay tuned for the obligatory IVF Med pic, I am picking them up on Monday!! Now time to try and get some rest, hope everyone has a great weekend!

Check!

Today was my saline sono and mock transfer. First, I had to arrive with a full bladder which really sucked because they were running about a 1/2 hour behind this morning. He started off with the mock transfer, inserted the speculum, then the thin floppy catheter, measured the depth of my uterus and all that jazz. Very simple and painless. Then what happened next was the best part....

I finally got to pee!!! AHHHHHHH relief....Then it was onto the second round of the show.

The saline sonogram. It's basically a in depth ultra sound of the uterine cavity and tubes. He inserted another catheter, then the ballon and shot the saline through my uterus, then came the trusty vag cam to check things out in there. So I had both a catheter and the vag cam all at once...don't be jealous. It was pretty much just like the HSG, except with the vag cam too. Again, painless for me thank god.

I left with some AF like cramps, and have had them on and off today but nothing unbearable. Everything looked good, and my RE even mentioned to me that I have a "great looking uterus" and that he thinks "I am going to do great with the IVF and get lots of good eggs"!!

So now all the testing is officially done and it's onto the teaching, pay 10,000 to hopefully have a baby, and sign my life away appointment this Thursday!

Moving Right Along...

Tomorrow I will be going in for my saline sonogram and mock transfer! Yes, another day another Dr. all up in my business!! I must arrive with a full bladder at 9:00. I am really not nervous about this at all, except the fact that I will have to pee the whole time. So hopefully it is short, sweet, and to the point! Me and DH also have to take 2 antibiotics tonight with dinner tonight and 2 more with breakfast tomorrow morning. The IVF coordinator says all couples doing IVF must do this. I guess it is to prevent any bacterias that can be transmitted during regular intercourse, etc.

Tuesday DH is leaving to go on a short business trip...I hate being alone at night. So I will probably have Kaylee sleep in my bed with me, and I am sure she will love that. We'll have like a little slumber party.

I forgot to mention that the other day Kay prayed to god again for a sibling. This time it was for a brother AND a sister! It is so sad to see her want and wish for something so bad, and whats worse is that it is far out of my control. I should be able to give her that....but I can't. All I could think was "Oh she has no idea....Mommy's working on it." But I had to play it off and say once again that "When god thinks its the right time it will happen".

This has to work.

We Got Our IVF Schedule

I talked to the IVF coordinator today and got our dates...here goes:

9/22: Mock transfer
9/25: Consent signing and inject teaching visit
9/30: Stop taking BCP
10/1: Go in for final b/w and u/s
10/4: Start injectable stimming meds!
10/12ish: ER
10/18-20ish: ET
11/1-3ish: Beta!!

AND do you know what is so totally amazing about that??? October 20th is our anniversary!! I could get knocked up that day! That would be amazing and I think it is a sign ;)

Anyways, I don't have our exact protocol or know which meds I will be taking yet, I will get those the day of our teaching visit. I have just barely started this process and already had a mini freak out today. I can really see now how IVF can be so extremely mentally and emotionally draining...and I JUST started. It truly makes me respect the women who have gone through mulitple IVF's. My hat is off to you ladies...You are my hero's!

I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!

OMG...IVF #1 is starting!!!

I went in today for my IVF consult with my RE and it is official we are starting IVF#1!! I am starting BCP's tonight! Basically it came down to start now (I am on CD 3) or wait until the clinics next series of IVF which wont be until the beginging of next year. So here we go!! I can not believe this is acutally happening, I dont even think it has really hit me yet. I feel such a sense of relief and hope just thinking that I COULD be pg next month!! The dr. said that we are on the high end of the success rate due to my age, so thats great, but again there is no garuntee that the first try will work. But I am feeling very confident about all of this for the first time ever.

The hardest part to swollow is the costs. It is going to cost us $10,050 for the IVF itself, plus another 1800-3500 for the mediacation that goes along with it. And that is for ONE try. All I can do is pray that it works.

So tomorrow I should be getting a call from the IVF coordinator who will give my schedule and dates, next monday I have my sono mock, then in the next 2-3 weeks I will have my teaching visit. I can't tell you how happy I am!!!

I can not believe this is happening, I am SOOO excited but also very nervous. This is no small procdure...we are pulling out the big guns here! IVF here we come....

IVF do You?

The RE's office called today to confirm cancelling our upcoming IUI cycle this month due to DH's last S/A results...we knew that was gonna happen. They're recommendation is that we now pursue IVF w/ICSI. I knew this was going to happen, but DH was in denial until we got the call today. He cant seem to understand how bad off we really are fertility wise, considering he was once VERY fertile. I still don't think he believes this is actually happening to us. In a way I understand that because it is a lot to take in, but I also have been conditioning myself for this the last year or so because I had a feeling all along this is where we were headed. It just sucks that we have to pay nearly 20K for something that most couples can do for free in their bedroom and have fun while doing it. Make a baby that is...

On Monday the financial advisor at our clinic will be calling to do a financial consult with us over the phone to give us more information on costs and options. It is A LOT of money we are talking here and the economy is not good right now so we'll see how that goes. After that (no date set yet) we will have a IVF consult with the Dr. to go over the time line, what it involves, and to answer any questions we may have about the process.

I am not sure exactly when we will be starting, but sometime in the near future. The last week has been VERY hard on me. I have been crying every day, sometimes 2-3 times per day. I just felt so lost and in limbo. For those that know me IRL know that I am always a very happy go lucky girl, but what you don't see is a person who's emotional state is wearing thin. I want this to be over, I want the burden of infertility to be gone, I want me back.

The Day That Changed The Rest of Our Lives

September 11, 2001. Every year on this day I am taken back to that dreadful morning just like it was yesterday. This is a day none of us will ever forget. A day that changed the rest of our lives, and the world forever.

That morning I was just getting out of the shower, I had class so it was just the start of another normal day for me...that is until I stepped out of the bathroom and heard the commotion on CNN. I sat down on my couch wrapped in a towel, wet hair and all and just starred at the TV in disbelief. I could not believe my eyes. I was frozen. I wanted to believe it was a accident. Then the second plane hit. And then, right then we all knew it was no accident. When the towers fell I cried uncontrollably for all of those on the planes, in the buildings, and for the rescuers risking there lives to save those trapped in the buildings who had a chance to make it out. I cried for the families that had loved ones there that day. I cried for the world that my children would now grow up in because of the events that day.

Every year on this anniversary I light a candle and say a prayer for those we lost, their families, and for those still fighting in "the war against terror" right now. I will never forget.

I was Tagged

I'm it!! I have been tagged by Jennifer who also has a little girl and is going through secondary infertility.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted

So here they are. 6 random things about me:

1) I sleep with a sound machine on every night (the sound of rain).

2) I love to cook.

3) Casino & Waiting to Exhale are my favorite movies..I have seen them both probably 100 times at least.

4) I secretly wish I was famous, or atleast had the perks!

5) I walk around feeling imcomplete, like something is missing from my life every single day. It is a horrible feeling.

6)Me and My DH met online, and from our first date I knew that we would be together.

Okay, now I tag:
Want, Wait and Praying for a Miracle
Hope is Passion for whats Possible
The Wilson's
Mya
Patty
Ambie

Totally Devastated

I got the call back from the RE's office while we were at the uro's today for my DH's b/w since being on the HCG injects(kind of ironic) and I bet you can tell from my title that it was not good. not good at all.

Total count: 300,000 (should be 20-85 MILLION)
Motility: 3% (should be more than 50%)

They did not have the results back on the morph yet, but with counts that low it doesnt really matter. 300 HUNDRED total motile sperm, thats it. I am pretty sure the RE is going to cancel our IUI. It would be a TOTAL waste of money. I dont understand why my DH's body always reacts the oppistite way as it should. Now his hormones are right but look at his S/A results. I am at a loss for words. Needless to say I am completly devastated and I cried all the way home. We cant really afford IVF right now....I dont know what I am going to do, I just cant stop crying. After all that we have been through I was so happy to be able to move forward and look what has happend. I was stupid to think that this might be it for us.

Away Again

I am in Michigan right now for my friend Eva's wedding! The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner were last night and everything was wonderful, I can wait for the wedding this evening!!

I was so busy before I left, but I did call the RE to get the S/A results and the nurse called me back and said that the report had not been written up yet and the lab people were gone, that it usually takes 10 days to get the morph results before they will make up the report...blah blah blah. She told me she would call me back the next day with some of the results because you now they have them and I never heard back from her. So guess who I will be calling monday morning? Yep..the Baby Makers office! AND.. DH goes to the uro on monday to check his levels since starting the injects! There is lots of info to look forward too. I just hope its all good!

I will be flying home tomorrow afternoon, hope every one has a great weekend : )

Home Sweet Home

Our camping trip was wonderful! It was so nice to get away from everything for the weekend and just relax and have some fun. The weather was so nice up there, but it did rain one day off and on which sucked and it was quit cold at night. It was nice to just "be" ya know...no phone, no Internet, no TV. It was nice and Kaylee told me on the way home that she loved camping and had so much fun! We really enjoyed it! Back to reality now...

I took my thermometer with me so I could still take my temp while I was gone, and I am not sure if it was the cold weather or it is just time for a new therm. but my battery died on me this morning. So I did not get today's temp. or Sat.'s ( I skipped that day) Ever since I started charting I have never really missed a day, and just recently did I stop temping during AF. Oh well...I will be getting a new thermometer tonight though! Tomorrow I am going to give the RE's office a call to see if they have DH's S/A results back. I know they said 10 days for the morph report, but they should have the other results.

I only have a few days at home until I leave on another trip. This is just a busy month all the way around for me. I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friend Eva's wedding in Michigan this Friday. So Thursday morning my flight leaves at 6 am....I hate leaving that early, but with the time change I had to get there in time for the rehearsal. I am so excited to see her and so happy for her and Ben. They just had a baby boy 3 months ago too, so I will get to meet him for the first time also!

Its going to be one crazy week.