Saturday, May 31, 2008

Well That Explains It

I got AF almost a week early than normal this cycle, she came unexpectedly which explains why I have been a evil bitch the last 4 days. On another note, this is the first cycle since I started charting that I actually ovulated, although my LP was only 10 days which I think can be problematic. I was still happy to see those red cross hairs, after months of nothing. I am still waiting on my CD 20 blood work I had this month. They were supposed to have the results to me within 7 days, and well its been 10 days and now its the weekend so I wont find out until next week. That sucks, I hate waiting.....

I saw Sex and the City last night and it was amazing!! I was very happy with how it ended! Now us Sex and the City fans finally have some closer : )

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!

OMG, I CANT wait to see this movie tomorrow!! I have been waiting 4 years to see what happens with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte and tomorrow is the day I will find out! I advanced purchased my ticket to make sure I could see it the day it came out. I didn't want to have other people telling me how good it was etc. without seeing it for myself. I'm meeting 2 of my friends who are seeing it with me, so it should be alot of fun!

I am dying to see what happens with everyone....Do Big and Carrie really get married? Is Samantha still with Smith Jarod? How is Miranda and Steve's marriage going? Is Charlotte complete now that they have an adopted daughter? Do they all stay in NYC?

Can you tell how excited I am? : )

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Change of Plans and Eating Organic

After DH's Dr. reviewed some of his old labs that we found yesterday, he still wants him on the clomid for for now. My hubby was not too happy about that either. Hopefully with the higher dose the hot flashes will subside but it can take up to 3 weeks for the body to process and get everything working the right way. They said the hot flashes are from the testosterone being SO low still , not a side effect from the clomid. Instead of him being on it a month before they check his levels again, they are going to have him come in in 3 weeks. I am PRAYING WE SEE AN IMPROVEMENT this time around.

Poor DH, he is all out of whack right now : ( I love him so much for going through all of this and being so supportive and caring. He is fine if we had no more children (We have Kay, and he has 2 from his previous marriage) but he knows how important this is to me and knows that I truly will not feel complete until I have another child. This is a true example of what love and marriage is all about.

Off to Whole Foods now to buy some organic groceries. I eat almost all organic now and am trying to switch over DH and Kay to eating organic ONLY. Kay is doing fine with it, but DH is not too thrilled about some things. He is a picky eater anyways, but I am going to make him do it for his health and he will just have to get over it : ) I told him he will get used to it and just to think about all the CRAP he is putting into his body by not eating organically.

Operation All Organic is now in progress!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Memorial Day Pics

We spend the day with Kay's best friend Savanah and her mom Neely. We had a ball at the park, then we headed over to desert ridge for lunch and more play! Overall, it was a great day!

June 12th!!

That is the BIG day! Our first RE appointment!!

We even made another appt. with a different RE for a few days later in case we don't like the first one. I know we have not even been seen yet, but just having the appt. makes me feel so much better....relieved I guess is the right word. I am excited to start the process, even though I know it is going to take many more months.

However, we also had a another set back with my DH. The clomid, even after they increased the dose he was still getting severe hot flashes and decided he no longer wanted to take it. It hasn't worked up till this point anyways, so I don't blame him. The dr. agreed and told him to stop taking it. The shitty thing is that now he has to be med free for ONE MONTH, then get blood work again before he can even start something else, then it takes 3 months to even see if it WORKS.....Ughhhh I hate MF!! Every step with male factor takes so damn long. Men.....figures! So we are at another stand still with him at this moment. Next up for him is probably the weekly HCG shots. Which I have heard are very expensive, so we'll see. Hopefully (and this is what we are hoping for) once we start seeing the RE we can move forward with IVF w/ICSI if that's what we need, and he wont even have to continue the treatments he is on (given he has any sperm at this point) If not, then he will probably stay on the treatment plan until he can get to a point where we can do IVF.

But at least we are moving forward and will be under the care of an RE, who's job it is to get women pregnant. So that makes me feel somewhat better at this point. So now we wait!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Decisions, Decisions...

After a long talk with my husband about our situation we decided that we should take the next step and make an appt. with an RE (a reproductive endocrinologist, or a infertility doctor) We already know that we will have to see a RE to get pregnant and just want to move forward. He will still continue to see and receive treatment from the urologist, but a urologist does not get you pregnant. They just treat some of the male issues that keep you from getting PG...which even in our case wont be enough to be able to conceive on our own.

And let me tell you how much research is involved with choosing a RE. We have to look at so many factors before deciding. Success rates, pregnancy rates, how many cases of MF (male factor) do they treat, percentages of ICSI (most commonly used with IVF for couples who have MF), among other factors before deciding on which one we will go with. We have already started our research, but it is alot to go through.

So let the journey begin....I am exited, nervous, scared, and optimistic all at the same time. We also will be paying out of pocket for all of this, and that is alot to swallow considering that the average IVF is around 12-15K for one try. EEEKKK! But I am so ready to start whatever necessary to have another baby.

On another note: I am taking Kay to the park and out to lunch with her best friend S. They dont get to see each other as often anymore because they no longer go to the same school, and our schedules, she is so excited!! Plus it is a perfect park day...just beautiful out! I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

I Have Been Meaning To Do This

For a long time, start a blog that is. Not only do I want to document our struggle and journey through infertility, but also as a place to vent and let it all out when I am having a rough day. Because honestly, I feel very alone going through this. I know no one personally that is dealing with infertility or people that have struggled in the past, so no one in my life really knows how to relate to what I am going through. They are all supportive in many ways, but I still feel alone.

I have noticed the last 2-3 weeks or so certain things are really starting to become more and more difficult for me. Not saying that up until this point I have been fine everyday, because this has certainly been hard from day 1, but it is starting to effect me more and more everyday it seems like. Especially now that we know for sure that we will never be able get pregnant on our own without medical help.

When we first started TTC (before we had known issues) when I would hear of someone becoming pregnant I would be very happy for them and just think to myself "We're next!" excited to hear of others getting to join in on the joys of being pregnant and having a baby. Now when I hear someone I know is pregnant it kills me inside, I feel the tears boiling up inside every time no matter where I am. It is getting harder and harder for me to attend baby showers, first birthdays, baptisms, etc. I get an overwhelming sense of sadness every time I am in one of these situations now. And its not that I am not happy for these people, that has nothing to do with it.....its just "Why not us" We want this baby SO badly, are financially and mentally stable....and we cant. Why?