Tuesday, January 12, 2010

So This Is Love...

As new mom you experience feelings you never knew were humanly possible. Feelings you did not know existed. Unexpectedly, one of those feelings for me has been falling head over heels in love with my husband again. Not that I didn't love him before Miss M (fyi: that's what I am going to call her on the blog from now on), but seeing him with our daughter...the way he holds her, the way he talks to her, the way he cares for her has made me love him more than I knew possible.

My husband has 2 adult children from his first marriage. Children he had when he was still a child himself. He was 20 & 22 when his daughter and son were born, and he was far too young to be a "good" parent. He wasn't financially, emotionally, or mentally mature enough to have children or be married at that age. He did not know how to be a father, and it wasn't something that came natural to him at that time. I don't think he was capable of knowing what it was really like to be a good dad then. He was just far too young.

From day one, since Kay was 15 months old, he has always been a great father to her. Better than I could ever ask for in a step father. Actually the word "step" father never even comes up around here. He is her dad. (Her biological father is not in the picture, and we are currently changing her last name and will be starting the adoption process soon). He cares and loves her like she is his own, and I am truly grateful for that. He has even said that he is a far better father to her than he ever was to his own kids; simply because of his age and where he is at in his life.

So seeing him and his instant love and appreciation for Miss M has truly blown me away. This is a side to him I have never seen before and it is incredible.

I always thought he was just along for the ride with having this baby...meaning that if I had said I didn't want any more kids he would have been just fine with that. But seeing how far he went with the IF treatments, how much money he paid, how many shots HE took, I knew without him even saying that it was in fact something he wanted...even if he didn't know it himself.

Seeing him get to experience the fruits of our labor has been so rewarding. I know men don't express their feelings like we do; but actions speak louder than words. I know his heart is full right now, I see it. And my love for him is now at a place I didn't know existed.


looking4#3 said...

Beautiful post!!!

I remember feeling this way with my husband after our son was born. He had NO experience with children and was awkward and uncomfortable. But, he learned quick, he spoke softly and a gentleness that I never knew emerged!!! Even now, 3 years later, I am STILL in awe of this man!!

I am happy to say that these new found adventures with your husband.....don't end here!! They will continue and continue.

I am sure I will find out more with my husband and our daughter, and I can't wait for it!

(Oh, and I totally get the whole--bio-father has no involvement thing--I am in the same boat--my husband is my daughter's DAD)

Jenni said...

I have to agree 100% agree with you and the previous Poster.. Seriously having a child makes you fall in love all over again with your hubs.. At the time John and I weren't even married yet and I was head over heels for him, like I was on our first dates.
Seeing them with these little beings is by far the coolest thing ever!! I wasn't sure how John would be with T- John wasn't a kid kinda guy and now he can't wait to get home and see T. Having kiddos definitely changes a mans perspective. :0)

jessica56 said...

Such a wonderful post!

Congrats to you and your family!

PeasOut said...

If only Blogger had a "like" button!

I'm so happy for you guys, and I can't wait to get pics of our little ones together!

Jamie said...

Thank you for sharing!!!! =)