Sunday, November 20, 2011

When 4 became 5

I don't even know how to start this post....I've been faced with a very challenging situation over the last few weeks, one that I haven't spoke about to anyone. But its time to let the cat out of the bag. I'm just going to start from the beginning...

My uncle (my moms younger brother) was married in the 90's. Him and his wife were VERY dysfunctional, I cant even begin to get into to all of the details. Lets just say there were drugs, affairs, and abuse of every kind. They ended up having 2 children together, a boy and then a girl. Neither of them are or were fit to be parent in no way shape or form. They ended up splitting when the oldest was 8 years old, and she loved to Florida to be near her family. Since then, my uncle has not been a real part of their lives, never paid a dime in child support, and continues to live off my grandparents at 40 years old.

She's no prize either because since then, she's had at least 4 abortions, sent her kids to live with my other aunt once for a year while she was homeless, has never worked a day in her life, lives off the government and what ever guy she is fucking that week, and get this....she is PREGNANT. AGAIN. But whats worse is she is pregnant by her sisters boyfriend, and IS KEEPING THE BABY. Really, it was just too late for an abortion by the time she found out, and she has already told the kids. I don't even have words for this.

She has always relied on my family (specifically my grandmother) to support her or help her out when she gets into a bind, and my grandmother does it because of the kids. They are her grand kids and just innocent children after all.

I BEGGED and PLEADED with my family to make her give this baby up for adoption, to let this baby have a chance at life and to give a deserving couple a chance to have a family, but she insists on keeping it. She is now 7 months pregnant.

But it gets worse.

She called my grandmother a few weeks ago saying that her boyfriends house is going into forecloser, and they all are about to be homeless and to see if she could take the kids for a few months (the kids are now 6 and 13). She doesn't want the kids to go to the "system" and has no where else to take them.

She has NO idea the burden and stress this has caused the whole family. My grandpa has been in and out of the hospital this whole last year, had a triple bypass, 4 strokes, and 2 amputations due to highly uncontrolled diabetes. My grandmother has lost 50lbs, has had a hysterectomy and a mild stoke this year herself. They are in their final years of life and are NOT fit to care for children any longer. My grandpa cant even take care of himself.

So my husband and I thought long and hard about this over the last few days. I cant help but think how unfair this all is. For infertiles who are desperately trying to have a child (including myself), and for the kids who are so innocent and don't deserve any of this. I've questioned god, her, and myself over this last week.

And well, we decided that the right thing to do was to take in one of the kids. The youngest, my cousin, who is a 6 year old little girl. I've thought long and hard about how this would work out, what this means for my family, how I would feel about investing all this time and money into her and then having to send her back to her MESS of a mother, and everything in between.

But at the end of the day, I am fully capable of providing a loving caring home to her. I realize that not everyone would chose this but we have a stable home with plenty of room, and we can give her a good life. Even if it is only for a couple months.

So me and my husband will be gaining temporary custody of her until her mother can get back on her feet. It could be 2 months, it could be a year. They are on a plane now, and will arrive this evening. We are working on getting all the legal documentation needed to do this.

I realize what a HUGE decision this is. But in the end, and in my heart, I feel it was the right one. Now I can only hope that things will go smoothly. I worry if she has behavioral issues, if its going to be the best thing for my girls and my marriage, and hello I will have another child to care for, but I just couldn't turn my back on an innocent child. Not with all the blessings we have been so lucky to receive.


Stephanie Nichole said...

I can't say how proud of you I am! I am in awe of you and your husbands unselfishness. This little girl may have a rough go at it but your giving her something she has never knows stability and a good home! If there is anything my husband and I can do to help please let me know! Your a wonderful woman and mommy! hugs love

The Riesbergs said...

You are amazing!!! I have faith that everyone will work their hardest to make this work. You guys will do great. Good Luck on this adventure and I hope the blog world gets to meet her at some point. :)

Stephanie said...

You are doing a truly amazing thing. For as disastrous as the situation is as a whole, at least you are doing your part to make things better for at least one person. Good luck!

Amy said...

That is awesome. I think, if anything, you are providing her a little bit of normalcy this poor child is craving. I look at my own child and could never think of giving him less than 1000%, I just wish everyone could too. You guys re fantastic to do this!!!!

It breaks my heart but this crap happens so often and I've even thought of doing foster care before but know my heart is too soft and i would end up with 100 kids :)

melifaif said...

God bless you and your family. It takes great strength, faith and love to open your heart....and I have no doubt you are doing the right thing. Many prayers for you all.

Jennifer said...

You're such a great mom and your niece is going to love being with you. Best of luck to you all.