Tuesday, July 12, 2011

8 Days In

And man this 2ww is driving me CRAZY! I feel like I am over analyzing everything. Every twinge, every cramp, every single sign that could possibly mean that I am pregnant. Truth is, I dont know. At least last cycle with our extremely low counts I knew our chances were slim. I knew it didn't work, I just knew it. So I spent my whole 2ww telling myself that and not worrying about it, while secretly praying for a miracle. This time I am much more hopeful!!

Because we had much more sperm this time around, in my mind we had a decent shot! And it could have really worked! So enter the 2ww hell of mind games and torture. Combine that with the nagging voice in the back of my mind reminding me that none of these attempts may work. That I need to be prepared to never experience pregnancy and child birth again. Never knowing what M's little sister (putting it out there already) may have looked like. And closing that whole chapter of my life. I know I have 2 beautiful girls, and believe me I know how extremely lucky I am to have them! Every night I hold each of them tightly thanking god for giving me such amazing gifts. But am I ready to say at 28 years old that I will never mother another? That is always at the back of my mind. Always. and I hate that the choice has been taken away from me. DAMN YOU INFERTILITY!!

For now my focus is making it through this week and hopefully seeing TWO glorious lines on Saturday morning!! In the mean time, I am pumping myself full of progesterone, taking a baby aspirin, drinking a big glass of POM juice every morning (something new I am trying this cycle to increase blood flow to the ute), and PRAYING!

7 comments:

Momma Wilson said...

you have seriously been in my thoughts and prayers so much over the last week. I really, really hope this time works for you!!!

Lisa said...

thank you!!! That means a lot.

Erin said...

I have been thinking of you often too! I'm putting ALL the pregnancy vibes I can out into the universe for you :) 2 week waits are just absolutely brutal. I hope the rest of the week goes quickly for you!

Kristen said...

Fingers and toes crossed! Can't wait until Saturday!!!!!!!

andrea said...

I've literally been thinking about you every day, I keep thinking surely it's been two weeks! Good luck and mucho love and happiness!

Tabitha said...

I'm so excited!! Praying!!

Courtney said...

I'm rooting for you!!