Thursday, December 29, 2011

Still Grieving

I'm having on of those days...filled with all the nasty ugly painful feelings about my infertility. It started at the hospital this morning. (remeber I have the flu? Well after 5 days of a fever over 100, this morning it was 103.1) my Dr ordered me to go to the hospital for labs, etc.

So this morning I went and checked in. Ironically enough, it was exactly 2 years ago today I walked into that very same hospital to give birth to my baby M. It was very surreal. This particular hospital plays a lullaby throughout the whole hospital everytime a baby born. It's very touching, but I couldn't help but think that I want another baby. I want that lullaby played for me :( it hit me like a ton of bricks every time it played..

I'll never have that again. Ever. ;( it's so hard.

Then there have been the normal numerous pregnancy announcements lately. Those are always so hard on me, but more so now :(

Bottom line is I'm still grieving. And who knows how long this process will take. L has been a great distraction, but I'm not so sure hiding from the issues is going to help. Maybe I need counseling... Or just more time. I don't know.

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