THIS is Why We Have Unrealistic Expectations

Here is a photo of Kourtney Kardashian a week after giving birth to her son Mason that was to be featured on the cover of a major weekly magazine talking about being a new mom and dropping the baby weight...

Except that THIS is the photo that ran on the cover

Notice her tummy was drastically reduced- No one looks like this 1 week after giving birth..NO ONE! Not even Kourtney Kardashian herself! This just pisses me off. This is exactly why we (women) place pressure on oursevles to bounce right back into pre pregnancy shape; because we are constantly bombarded with these unrealistic images. I mean we can't check out at any grocery store without seeing someone who just had a baby, that is already rail thin 2 weeks later. The editor of these weekly's must be men, because any woman surely must know that it took 9 months to get that way and its going to take some time to get off. That is unless you are Gisele Bundchen, are 6 feet tall and only gained 15 pounds while you were pregnant. Then maybe, just maybe you can look like this.

This is not normal, it is completely unrealistic and these magazines have got to stop! I'm not saying stop publishing articles about new moms and the hardships that go along with it, but STOP the airbrushing! STOP insinuating that these celebs are some how better than us because they can drop 40 pounds in 5 days, because its not real and why pretend like it is? I promise, I will still buy your magazine! As a matter of fact I would buy it more often just to see that celebs are just like me! 

Okay...I'm done : )

A Picture Post

Since Miss M will be 4 weeks old tomorrow (!) I thought I'd share some pictures from the last few weeks at home. 

Cuddling with Mom

Sister Love

First time in her bouncer (awake anyways!)

Looking at her new found "friends"

Precious

I dont know about this bow mom...

Kay dressed up as an old lady for the 100th day of school

Ready to rock and roll with her red pea coat on

Hanging with her Great Grandmother or "Noni" as we like to call her

Look at that little hinney!! LOL! Getting a sponge bath her first week at home

Friends

2 weeks ago my friend Mya came over with her son Wyatt for a little visit. He was born on Oct. 30th and is just the cutest thing ever! We were pregnant together (minus the last 2 months) so it was fun to get together with the kids.

Here is Mya holding Miss M, and me holding Wyatt. Kay took the picture for us : )

Wyatt putting the moves on his lady

Look how much bigger Wyatt is compared to Miss M and they were the exact same birth weight/height, but he was 1/2 longer than her. Its amazing how fast they grow!!

We always joke that we are going to arrage their marriage.

The future Mr. and Mrs.

Then we all headed to out to lunch and it marked my first time out with 2 kids! So of course I had to document it with a picture!

You Know Your a Mom When...

When you can do almost anything one handed; including typing and preparing meals!

When your husband says to you "honey you have spit up all over your shirt" and you say nonchalantly "I know" and have known it was there for hours and didn't care and/or have the time to change.

When you have serious conversations about poop.

When shaving has become a luxury. Hey you barely have time to shower let alone actually shave while your in there!

When you don't want strangers to even look at your new baby for fears that just them breathing in her direction will cause her to catch something.

When your 5 1/2 year old says "I'll be her mommy and you can be her big sister" and for a moment it sounds like a good idea.

When you leave your new baby even if its just for an hour or 2 with daddy and you feel incredibly guilty. Because you know...she's so little she needs her mommy!

When the slightest grunt, fart, or wiggle wakes you up.

When you finally feel like you have purpose.

and lastly

When you experience love like you never knew existed before; each time you look into their eyes...or see them smile...or the first time they tell you they love you...and when you cant imagine life or anything like it without your children. That's when you know your a mom.

Operation Get Skinny

Anyone that knows me knows that I take my appearance, diet and fitness pretty seriously! So the moment I popped out miss M Operation Get Skinny was officially ON!

I gained 20-25 pounds while going through fertility treatments (damn hormones!), then around 30 while pregnant. So that left me with a total of around 55 pounds of excess poundage to lose. On someone who is only 5'1 and normally weighs 108-110, that is A LOT of weight! I'm not worried though because 1.) I have lost a lot of weight before (after Kay) and 2.) I know how dedicated I am to my weight loss. Like I said, I was on a diet the moment after Miss M was born. I haven't wavered, nor will I until I reach my goal. Plus putting out such strong statements on this blog has got to hold me accountable right? : ) I surely don't want to look like an ass....and a fat ass at that!

I cant workout out for 3 more weeks, so in the mean time I have been keeping a very close eye on my diet. I have been following my own weight loss essentials (read about them here), and really watching my portions and carbs since I cant be active right now. Once I can work out again I will increase my caloric intake to adjust to my new activity level, but for now dieting (and no, the word diet does not hold a negative condensation for me) is all I can do.

I have already lost around 25 pounds, which leaves me with about 30 more to lose. I will be updating with my progress periodically. I can do this, and so can you for any of my readers who are trying to lose weight!

and remember my friends...

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

Hospital Photo Shoot Pics!

I was going to do a labor/delivery shoot...but that all changed once I had to have a c-section. So instead, our photog came out the next day to get some new baby shots of Miss M and family at 24 hours old. Here are some of my favorites...

2 Week Postpartum Appointment

I was a little nervous for this appt. Since I have never had a c-section before, I had no idea what to expect. Recovery has been going very well, but it has been a slow process. I get better every day which is nice. But it has been a slow recovery. They did slice me open for gods sake and I need to remember that! At this point I feel almost normal, except I still have to watch twisting at the waist and stuff like that.

They sent me home with steri strips over my incision, so I haven't actually seen it. I knew they were going to remove those. Was my incision healed? Was it big? Was it going to hurt taking those strips off? Just in case I took my last pain pill and 2 Motrin before we left my house. My mom was laughing because she said nothing is going to hurt worse than what you've already been through, and well she was right!

They took off the steri strips (it was painless!) and my incision has healed great! She did a quick breast exam, and we talked about my restrictions still. No sex, exercise, no lifting over 20lbs., how I still need to take my iron supplements because my iron is still low, and birth control options. Birth control, what birth control? We have built in birth control! Me and my DH have discussed this already and because he is back on testosterone therapy for his low T, he is now pretty much sterile again so we have chosen for me not to go back on the pill. Is there is chance we could get pregnant on our own?...sure...if hell freezes over. But we are willing to take that 1-3% chance. And if it did actually happen and I ever were to get pregnant, we would be just fine. Now onto the FUN part....

Getting weighed!

I was most excited about this because I was dying to see how much weight I had dropped. I was hoping for at least 15lbs. and I surpassed that. I've lost 23 pounds (mostly baby stuff I know) since having Miss M! Operation Get Skinny is in full effect! I have a long ways to go to reach my goal, but I was happy about that. More on this later...

So everything went great, and I will see her again at 6 weeks postpartum!

Now onto baby updates...

Miss M is a DREAM baby! She is so calm and peaceful, she never cries, and she is just the sweetest baby we could have ever asked for. Best part about her...She sleeps 5-7 hours at night!! God must be giving us a break knowing what we had to go through to get her. We are so blessed, and well rested : ) She is drinking 2-3 oz. at each feeding, and any time now her "stump", as I like to call it, should be falling off. YAY for real baths...I am getting sick of the whole sponge bath thing.

Kay has been transitioning well. She gets a little attitude when we tell her she cant hold/feed her, but other than that she is adjusting to not being the "only" very well I think. I know its going to take some time to get into a new routine as a family of four, but we are off to a great start!

So This Is Love...

As new mom you experience feelings you never knew were humanly possible. Feelings you did not know existed. Unexpectedly, one of those feelings for me has been falling head over heels in love with my husband again. Not that I didn't love him before Miss M (fyi: that's what I am going to call her on the blog from now on), but seeing him with our daughter...the way he holds her, the way he talks to her, the way he cares for her has made me love him more than I knew possible.

My husband has 2 adult children from his first marriage. Children he had when he was still a child himself. He was 20 & 22 when his daughter and son were born, and he was far too young to be a "good" parent. He wasn't financially, emotionally, or mentally mature enough to have children or be married at that age. He did not know how to be a father, and it wasn't something that came natural to him at that time. I don't think he was capable of knowing what it was really like to be a good dad then. He was just far too young.

From day one, since Kay was 15 months old, he has always been a great father to her. Better than I could ever ask for in a step father. Actually the word "step" father never even comes up around here. He is her dad. (Her biological father is not in the picture, and we are currently changing her last name and will be starting the adoption process soon). He cares and loves her like she is his own, and I am truly grateful for that. He has even said that he is a far better father to her than he ever was to his own kids; simply because of his age and where he is at in his life.

So seeing him and his instant love and appreciation for Miss M has truly blown me away. This is a side to him I have never seen before and it is incredible.

I always thought he was just along for the ride with having this baby...meaning that if I had said I didn't want any more kids he would have been just fine with that. But seeing how far he went with the IF treatments, how much money he paid, how many shots HE took, I knew without him even saying that it was in fact something he wanted...even if he didn't know it himself.

Seeing him get to experience the fruits of our labor has been so rewarding. I know men don't express their feelings like we do; but actions speak louder than words. I know his heart is full right now, I see it. And my love for him is now at a place I didn't know existed.

My Birth Story (Warning: Its a novel!)

It all started Wednesday December 30th. It was an ordinary I'm-at-the-end-of-my-pregnancy kind of day. I have been keeping my hair clean and done, legs shaved, the last few weeks in anticipation of impending labor, but this morning even though it was a "wash and do the hair day" I decided to put it off. I come to regret that very much later. I'll do it tomorrow I thought to myself. I headed to the office to get a little work done, then decided I would stop by the grocery store to get a few last minute "in case I pop" items so the house would be stocked with the usual.

I walked in and check Kay into the kiddie club (god, those are life savers while grocery shopping btw!!) and headed to the produce section. I see the regular produce guy that says to me "WOW, you still have popped yet?" to which I replied..."Nope, but any minute! You never know maybe I'll go into labor while I'm here!" I grinned and started off my shopping, list in hand.

It was 2:00pm and I made it half way through the store, and just as I was about to go down the soda isle to get my DH's crack in a bottle, I felt a little "burst" of water. Oh shit I thought, did I just pee? It wasn't a whole lot, but just enough to fill a small water balloon. No! I didn't pee!! I think my water just broke! My heart started beating a little fast, OMG this is it I thought! I very calmly grabbed my cell phone and called my husband. "Honey..I think my water just broke and I'm in the grocery store." He asked what he should do, and I told him I was going to go ahead and check out and that he should come to and meet me at the store to get the groceries. He thought I should just go, but hey I had a half a cart of food I just took the time to get I wasn't going to just abandon ship!

So I grabbed a few things on that isle and proceed to the check out lines, and they were long. I asked an employee to please let me check out on another isle because my water just broke and I was in labor. She looked at me like I was crazy..."Are you sure you don't want to just go?" Nope, just check me out lady. At this point I was having no contractions at all, so I was calm.

My DH got there just as I was paying her, he grabbed the groceries and got Kay out of the kiddie club. The plan was we were going to meet at home (we only live about 2 miles from the store), grab the hospital bag, throw the groceries in the fridge, and head to the hospital.

I was heading to my car, and called my grandma so she could send someone to the hospital to meet us with Kay.

That's when the panic started.

She immediately starts freaking out telling me to screw the groceries, that this was my second baby and that any minute I would start having fierce contractions, how my hospital was 20 min. away, how I could have the baby in the car if I don't go straight there, etc.

OMG!! OMG!! She's right I thought, usually after your water breaks is when all hell breaks loose, and with this being my second baby I started to FREAK OUT (still no painful contraction though). Then I started speeding home. I have to get there as fast as I can I thought.

I am about a 1/2 mile from home I then see and unmarked car with its lights flashing behind me honking its horn instructing me to pull over.

FUCK! Are you serious?! Am I really getting pulled over right now?

I pull over, and jumped out of my car. I started screaming, look officer my water broke and I'm in labor! He proceeds to ask me with his "I'm better than you attitude" if I knew how fast I was going? "UM, NO! I don't, but sir I need to get home to get my bag so my husband can take me to the hospital". He then said, "Well I am going to call an ambulance". Pissed off, I said "look I don't need an ambulance, I live a 1/2 mile from here I just need to get home, get my bag, and my husband can take me.

He seriously acted like he wasn't going to let me go. Then says to me, "fine, I am going to follow you home, but give me your license and drive the speed limit". Deal, I got back in my car and headed home.

We pulled up and I jumped out and ran in my house, my husband was already there gathering last minute things we needed. As we all walked out to get in my DH's truck the officer stepped out and says to me "Well this obviously wasn't an emergency" and handed me my speeding ticket. What an asshole!! Whatever...we headed the hospital.

On the way I started having some contractions, and at this point the fluid was coming out a lot. The whole seat was soaked, and with each contraction or bump more and more would leak out. Kay was excited, and screaming for daddy to hurry up but was kind of unsure as too what was to come.

We got there (funny because my dad got there before us!) and walked up to L&D. My whole pants and shoes were soaked, but I was feeling okay and so grateful that I didn't have my baby in the car : ). I was having contraction but they weren't painful yet.

They took me to triage, where they checked me and I was still 2-3 cm. They did a quick u/s because my cervix was still really high, and my they thought she was really high up. Sure enough, they were right she was very high and in a posterior presentation (sunny side up instead of facing down) which can make labor very difficult because of the babies position. All my family has arrived then and we were telling them about me getting pulled over and getting a ticket and the whole staff couldn't believe it.

Soon after, they wheeled me to my birthing room where they put in my IV, and started me on fluids. I was having contractions at this point, but the pattern was not consistent. I would get 1 every 2-3 minutes for 15 minutes, then nothing for 20 minutes. So they started pitocin. Which did help regulate the contractions, but as they got closer together baby didn't like it. So they also started me on oxygen and turned the pitocin down.

Then the contractions would slow down and loose the pattern again. So they would turn it up. Baby said no bueno. So they turned it down. Then the contraction would stop...you get the idea.

Over and over and over we did this trying to get labor really going, all to fail each time we tried because baby was not tolerating the contractions well and her heart beat would start to decelerate.

All the while, baby was still high and posterior even after switching sides every 30 min. or so to try to encourage her to move, so we introduced what we later named "the peanut".

This funny looking ball went in between my legs and that's where it stayed for the next 10+ hours. The idea is that it helps open up the pelvis to give baby more room to rotate. So from this point on, I switched from my right side to my left side every 15 minutes now, with an oxygen mask and the "peanut".

I got my epi at about 10:30pm because the anesthesiologist was going to be in surgeries, and I didn't want to risk having to wait to get it. After that it was all rotate and wait. And wait, and wait, and, wait. But I was calm and comfortable the whole (aside from shaking from the epi, and being annoyed with switching sides so much, as soon as I would get comfy it was time to move again).

They checked my cervix at 4 am, still 3 cm. UGH. I got the "possibility of a c-section talk" but at this point, even after 14 hours I was still holding out hope that by the next time they checked me I would have progressed.

I didn't.

They checked me again at 6:30 am, still 3 cm, and despite Mr. Planter, baby was still high and posterior. Great.

My Dr. came in and laid it all out for me. She thought after 16 hours of non progressive labor that my chances of a vaginal birth were becoming very slim. We discussed options and where to go from here. So c-section it was.

After that, everything moved very quickly. More people were coming in, I was signing things, and then within a matter of minutes I was off...being wheeled to the OR.

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my super c-section dose, the tarp went up, and then they started. It wasn't painful, but very strange. Lots of tugging, pulling, and pinching. I was shaking really bad because the super epi is a lot stronger and it was very cold in the OR. I just remember my DH asking me if I was okay because I was shaking so much. And literally in just about 3-5 minutes the Dr. said "okay mom and dad, she's about to come out and she's a beauty".

Then at 7:35 am on New Years Eve I heard the sweetest, most pure sound in the world.

Her cry.

I was instantly filled with love.

They took her over to the table to measure, weight, and exam her. I still hadn't seen her, but listening to her cry I knew she okay. My DH was a champ, and was over there with her taking a million pictures and telling me how perfect she was.

All the while I still on the table, being tugged, pulled, and stitched back up.

And then I saw her...and my whole life instantly changed. This was our baby. The baby I had been dreaming of for all these years...and I cried tears of joy...

...And she was perfect.

I for the first time I feel complete. I am now the mother of 2 beautiful little girls, and I could ask for nothing more.

**Sneak Peak** and We're Home!

I still haven't had time to post my birth story, but I am going to start working on it : )

We got home yesterday afternoon and things have been going great! A little hectic, but way smoother than I had imagined. Physically from the c-section, I am getting a little better watch day. I have been up and trying to stay active because the longer I sit, the stiffer and more discomfort I feel in my abdomen. Walking around really does help. My calf's and feet are very very swollen though from all the fluids I was on, so much so that I cant bend my leg at the knee..its terrible. I am trying to prop them when I can. My stomach has gone down a lot, and goes down a little more each day that passes.

My milk is starting to come in today and that has me a little nervous. Because I did BF Kay for a few weeks, I am not sure how it all works when you don't BF at all. I have been wearing a tight sports bra for the last 2 days, and am going to be trying the cabbage leaf lactation suppression remedy the hospital told me about. Hopefully the engorgement wont be so bad...but we'll see. It was pretty painful last time around, so I am curious on how it all goes this time. To be honest..I'm a little scared!!

Baby is doing FABULOUS. She does have a little night time confusion though. Every night at 10:30 after blissfully sleeping like an angel almost all day, she is WIDE AWAKE. Its quite comical actually. But by around 2:30 am, she finally goes back to sleep. Actually last night she fell back to sleep around 2:30 am, and I had to wake her at 7 am to eat!! And eat she does! Shes drinking about 1 1/2-2 ozs every 3-4 hours!

I cant tell you how in love and incredibly blessed we feel to have her. My DH actually said to me last night "ya know, she's worth all those times I had to do it in the cup" I laughed.

But he's right.

Seeing and holding her in my arms makes everything we went through completely and 100% worth it. Every Dr. visit, every shot, every date with the vag cam, every time something was stuck in my cervix, all the money...I'd do it all over twice to just hold her in my arms. We both just sit and stare in pure amazement of how precious she is.

Kay has brought me to tears several times over the last couple days...as happy as we are to have baby M, Kay is easily double that. Its almost like she knows what we went through to give her a sibling. She calls her our "miracle" and said that she never imagined that she would be so beautiful. She loves her to death and I love seeing her excitement when she's with her little sister.

Life is blissful and we are enjoying every moment.Now for a little sneak peak, here are some photos, more to come : )

We Had Our Baby!!!!

Baby M was born yesterday December 31st, 2009 at 7:35 am via c-section (yes, thats right!) weighing 7 pounds, 6 ounces, and was 2o inches long! I was 38 weeks and 4 days when I went into labor, so for all that guessed 38 weeks were right!

We are all happy, healthy, and SO in love!!

I will post a full birth story (and a very interesting one at that!) and pics when I get released from the hospital, which should be Sunday.

Hope you all had a wonderful New Years...I know we did, she is AMAZING!