What's Happening.

I haven't had much time to blog lately. Work has been crazy and Kay is on spring break this week. My regular computer has a virus so I am being forced to use my lap top which makes it harder too- boo. So I thought I would post a run down of whats been happening until I can get back to blogging! Lets see where do I start....

Well lets start with whats been happening on the baby making front. As you know, I've had issues on the pill this month. Well I spotted and bled for the WHOLE 28 DAYS. I took my last active pill last night, but considering I just stopped bleeding 2 days ago, who knows if I will actually get a period. I called my RE's office on Monday to let them know whats been going on and to basically tell them I think I should stay on the pill another month before I cycle again. Two reason: 1.) being the obvious; my body is clearly out of wack and 2.) if I did cycle this month as previously planned and got a BFP my due date would be the EXACT same (within 3 days or so) of M's. And I dont like that.  I think that M and said baby deserve their own birth months. Plus, its just a really bad time to have a baby (christmas/newyears).

 I am totally fine with waiting another cycle and doing a treatment in May (it was my idea, my RE's thought I could possibly still cycle this month if I get a period) so thats the plan. But I will say this, I WILL cycle in May. I HAVE too. My meds expire in June and that's also when we are due our sperm storage fee, so no matter what I will be doing an IUI in May. Hopefully another month on the pill will straighten me out too...it better!

The girls are great. Kay is on spring break this week so we are filling the days with lots of fun play dates and activities. Today we went to the Children's Museum and both girls just had a blast! Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 90's so we have a water play date planned. I am loving Kay being on spring break and spending the extra time with her. We are really making the most of it and are having a ball :)

I am working on M's 15 month update. Can you believe that?! There are lots of new things going on with her, including using a spoon and her 15 month well check coming up. I am also working on planning Kay's 7th birthday party, which is in 3 weeks! She is having a pool party!

Because I am on my laptop I cant post pics, but I have tons to share soon! Be back next week for sure! Miss my blog :(

Meal Planning Tuesday?

• Spicy Orange Chicken Stir-Fry  I alter this recipe a little bit. I add more veggies; some carrots and green onions, and I also dice all my chicken and veggies into a small dice and serve with brown rice.
• Homemade Chicken Soup-  so simple, I boil 2 chicken breast in enough water to cover the chicken plus a little more. In a separate pot I saute diced carrots, 1 onions, and a couple celery stalks in a little EVOO until about 1/2 way cooked. Once the chicken in cooked (10 min or so), you dice or shred it and add it along with the cooking liquid and a box or 2 of chicken stock or more water and some bouillon cubes to the pot with the veggies. Add in salt, pepper, marjoram, and poultry seasoning to taste. Boil covered for 30-40 minutes. Then add 1 cup of any shaped noddles you like the last 15 minutes of cooking. I like rotini or small no yolk egg noodles.
• Roast Chicken with Balsmic Bell Peppers served with sauteed broccolini (first time making it, any tips?) and roasted new potatoes.
• Cheesy Zucchini Enchiladas
• Skinny Tuna Noodle Casserole with a side salad.

I thought I would also share some of my favorite places to find recipes and inspiration for my weekly meal plans. The way I meal plan is buy sitting down over the weekend sometime (usually Sunday) and navigating through my favorite cooking websites to find what I want to make, while also considering what I already have on hand, and making my shopping list for the week of the ingredients I need along with my staples. Here are a few of my go to cooking websites:

Cookinglight.com,  I love the magazine but also love that they allow you to easily see each recipe from every issue here on their website for free! I find it easy to use and they seem to have lots of healthy recipes that are easy to prepare.

Skinnytaste.com, a great resource for lots of yummy healthy and weight watcher friendly meals with step by step pictures.

Foodnetwork.com

Epicurious.com, although I find it can be a little "stuffy" and a lot of the recipes are labor intensive and requite ingredients i dont normally keep on hand.

Kraftrecipes.com

Crockpot365.blogspot.com, crock pot recipes for every day of the year. Enough said.

Katheasts.com

Eatingwell.com another resource for healthy yummy meals.

Hope this helps you with your meal planning, it can be daunting task! But boy does it save money and time during the week. And please share some of your favorite places to go for recipes, I am always looking for new ones!

Now What.

I started the pill 10 days ago.  I started spotting a few days ago and yesterday I started bleeding. Full on red flow. Why cant my body ever just cooperate and do what its supposed to??!! I called my RE  because I wanted to know if this was going to mess up my plans to cycle next cycle...I mean he did put me on the pill to REGULATE me and all. I finally heard back from them today, and after some talks about switching pills or stopping them and starting them again, I was told to just continue taking them and call on my "real" CD 1. Who knows when that's going to be.....what a headache. I'm crampy, moody,  and I feel like I am on AF, and I'm bleeding, but its CD 10. What gives?   

Nothing can ever be easy in this department for me, so I don't see why I would expect anything else at this point.

Wordless Wednesday

Yay or Nay?

I found out last week that Kay's teacher is "looping" up to second grade next year. Looping is a teacher term that means the teacher moves with his or her students to the next grade level, rather than sending them to another teacher at the end of the school year. She sent home a letter stating that she wants to keep her same class and move with all of them to second grade. Some of the benefits are an easier transition, familiarity with the class and teacher, and a gain of 4-6 weeks of instructional time because the students already know classroom routines and expectations and the teacher knows the students academic levels and abilities.

I totally see how this could be a huge benefit to her and to her getting started in second grade, but I am not sure what I am going to do yet. I hesitate because I know how different teachers are and what n impact they have on our children. I think that it is important for Kay to be exposed to all different types of learning environments and teaching styles. Her Kindergarten teacher and now first grade teacher are worlds different. And I think that's good! I LOVED her kindergarten teacher, she really was one of a kind in many ways. Her current teacher I do really like, but I almost feel like a change could be beneficial as well. Her teacher now is very big on reading, which is so important and Kay has really come a long long way in first grade. But I don't *love* her like I loved her kindergarten teacher. But don't get me wrong, I do like her and think she is a great teacher, so that's not the issue. It would be so easy to decide if I didn't like her, but I do and so that cant be the deciding factor.

So I'm torn. There seems to be pros and cons to this whole thing and I just feel like I need some advise. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Favorite Thing: Electrolux Ergo Stick Vac

I can not possibly fathom how I've had my blog this long and not talked about this favorite thing of mine. It's the Electrolux Ergo Rapido 2 in 1 Stick Vac. I bought one of these initially because we have tumbled/chipped edge tile in a large portion of our house (kitchen/dining area/hallways) and a broom would just sweep everything into the grooves and it was such a pain in the ass to sweep. Let me just say this. This is THE BEST 100 DOLLARS I HAVE EVER SPENT! Seriously. I use this about 3-5 times per day, no joke! If you have hardwood floors or tile, you will wonder why you haven't bought one of these before and how you made it this long without one. I seriously haven't pulled out a broom in 3 years...wait I don't even think I have a broom anymore....I don't need it!  

Most stick vacs lack good suction power, but this thing is AMAZING. I can actually vacuum my carpet just fine with it it is so powerful. It has 2 speeds of suction, it charges on a docking station (so no cords), it's bag less, and has a removable handheld vac with attachments! Which is perfect to suck out the highchair, car seats, my car, spills or crumbs off the table, the couch, and I also use it on my bathroom floors.

All of my friends know how much I love this thing because they hear me using it ALL the time. I cant live without it! It truly is my favorite thing! I mean I love this thing so much if I had to chose between my stick vac and my husband I would chose the stick vac :) Oh and if you are a Costco member, they have them there for 79.00, rather than the usual 99.00!

More Thoughts on TTC # 3..

*Disclaimer: If you haven't read my post from yesterday, you might want to start there before you read this so you can be up to speed.

I just wanted to get more of my feelings out there about moving forward with this final attempt to have another baby. This is the deal. I *think* I have finally come to a place where if I don't have anymore kids I can accept that and move on. I've been blessed enough to have 2 beautiful children and if that's all that god gives me, then I'm okay with that. I have had no choice but to come to terms that having a baby is not up to me and my body, that I am not like other woman and couples who can just have sex and make a baby at their own will (and even TIME it!), and even though it still makes me bitter as hell, its my reality and I have to come to terms with it at some point.

This is huge for me. Getting to this place was slow, but really its the mind set I have to be in because realistically we have very little to work with and the odds of achieving another pregnancy from those 2 craptastic sperm sample are pretty low. Right now, while we still have them, and the follistim that doesn't expire till June in my fridge- I feel like its this making this whole situation feel so open ended. And I almost feel like I need closure. So we are going to use the sperm because we cant just destroy our only chances of ever having another baby. But I have to be prepared for it not to work and feel comfortable closing that chapter. Like forever. Because if it doesn't work, that's it, no more children. We have no more options after that (well we could always try IVF but we just cant justify spending 10K + to do IVF to have another baby when we have already been blessed with 2 beautiful girls).

On the other hand, we also have to be prepared for it TO work. I don't wasn't to walk in blindly and then be shocked and surprised if I get pregnant. I have to be prepared to have 3 kids because could it happen, YES! It could. It does only take one!! And then this is the part where I start to panic a little thinking about how crazy I am to have 3 kids??! 2 is a lot of work. They might eat me alive! But I would welcome it with open arms and of course I WANT it to work. I know everything would fall into place.

So mentally I am preparing myself to have a third child while also simeotamoiusly preparing myself to rest in peace with the fact that I will never be pregnant again, that I will never give birth again, and that I will never know what M's little brother or sister would look like; would they look alike? Would I finally have a child that looks like me for Christs sake!!?! It's a very awkward and difficult place to be in.

But I'm ready. To have some closure on this whole chapter of my life whether that ends with another baby, or another negative pregnancy test. I'm ready to bite the bullet and finally commit to closure. If it is meant to be, and if I am meant to have another baby it will happen. If not, than I am perfectly blessed and forever grateful for the 2 I have. And that's the truth. I believe that now. Whatever is meant to be, is meant to be...

Isn't it Ironic?

That when infertile and trying to HAVE a baby you go on birth control pills??! I mean it is called an oral contraceptive for gods sakes!

Today I was prescribed birth controls pills. So I can have a baby.

Odd right??? Its just so weird to think. All my infertile friends know this, but for those that aren't familiar BC pills are often used when dealing with infertility treatments to help regulate your cycles (so they then can be manipulated), suppress your normal cycle for timing purposes, and/or to help prevent or shrink ovarian cysts. It really works to your favor when trying to have a baby because they can tailor your start/stop time, then introduce drugs to stimulate you to ovulate. It gives you (or your Dr.)control over your cycle and the timing of things rather than waiting on your body to naturally decide when things are done.

So I am sure you are wondering where things stand since last my last update on the infertile front? Well I went in today (CD4) and my cyst had shrunk considerably! It was pretty much gone, and everything else in there looked good. I also got my blood work done, but wont know the results of that for a few days. However, since I am all out of pocket and because I have an amazing RE who is really looking out for me, we decided that it was best that I go on the pill to prevent any further cysts, to help regulate my cycle, and also to avoid another 395.00 dollar ultra sound!!

Normally you would go in on CD 3 before proceeding with any stimulation meds (meds to grow eggs, to then trigger to ovulate) to insure there is no left over cysts because meds just aggravate them and cause them to grow larger. So if you have a cyst, you cant cycle that month. This way by me being on the pill we will KNOW I wont have any cysts, therefore can call in on my CD 1 to get my monitoring schedule and start meds and bypass that CD 3 ultra sound! I swear I love him.

So the plan is to start the pill tonight, call in on my next cycle day 1, then proceed with the same protocol that gave us little M (minus the frozen sperm part). 50 mg of clomid, 75 units of Follistim, then trigger, and IUI. I have to say its going to be SO nice to have a normal 28 day cycle, rather than my typical 35-40 day'ers. I also have to say this all seems so surreal. It doesn't even seem like I am really doing this again. Am I even ready for this?! Holy cow!

Bring on the birth control!

Blessed

This little girl melts my heart. I can see myself having a series of mini heart attacks when she gets a little older though ; ) We are gearing up for a fun weekend. Tomorrow is RESOLVE's 3rd Annual Walk of Hope! I've done it every year, so this is very important to me and my family. This year they gave us the option to make or join teams and its always so nice to be surrounded with people who you can talk openly with about your struggle. Kay is also very exciting about the walk (she does it with me every year). If you ask her what we are walking for this is what she'll tell you: "For women who want to have families but are having trouble and everyone should be a mommy". Such a sweet, smart girl.  

When I did the walk the first year I actually had my successful IUI the day before! I remember being so crampy and standing in the hot sun talking with my RE wondering if this was it. Wondering if I would need to win that free IVF giveaway...little did I know, M was thankfully turning into a ball of cells at that very moment. Last year, she was a itty bitty baby and I was RESOLVED. What a difference a year makes...I'm truly blessed in more ways than one.