First Post of 2012

I decided I'm not going to do one of those 'looking back' posts. 2011 was a CRAZY ASS YEAR and lets just leave it at that K?

But what I am going to do is vow to make 2012 the best year I possibly can. I usually do make a New Years Resolution, but let me prefce that its always something completely reasonable- like for 2010 my NY resolution was to complete ALL my dental work! Took me till Septmeber, but I did it. See? Completely reasonable. Would I like to lose 30 lbs and hit the gym 6 days a week? SURE, but I know that is not reasonable!!!  And as a matter of fact I HATE THE GYM in Jan/Feb and look forward to March! Thats when my gym becomes back to normal once all those people fall off the wagon....serisouly, its packed until March. And it drives me nuts!

I've had a hard time finding a good resolution for 2012, but here's what I did manage to come up with (completely resonable ;)

• Start printing more of the 250 pictures a month I take. Everything is digital, which is great but my family hasn't received pictures in the snail mail since 2006.
• Make hard albums of said pics.
• Finish both my girls' baby books. I've always been good about updating (I update both bi monthly, but alas, neither have any PICS!
• Be more in the moment. Less worrying about my house, or the clutter and be more in the moment!
• Finally do things that make ME happy that doesn't involve kids, babies, or shopping. This is going to be TOUGH.
• And finally, take the time and get whatever professional help I need to to be okay with not having anymore kids. What I haven't blogged about the last couple days, is that I had  complete mental breakdown over all the TTC/ not TTC/ pregnancy announcements and kicks to the gut, and then all the M turning 2 stuff, and it I just literally broke down hysterically crying. It was real, it was in the moment, and it needed to come out. And I need to let it out more. I HAVE to start working on getting past this, rather than just distracting myself. Because that's exactly what I've been doing. Distracting myself from the pain and reality of never having another child and feeling completely robbed of the family I desire.

So there you have it my friends.

Lets get 2012 off to a great start and lets kick some ass and take some names!

And lastly, I will leave you all with some pics from M's Birthday Breakfast at IHOP yesterday!

{First time wearing makeup in a week because I was on my death bed for 6 days with the flu}

{Sunshine felt so good!}

{First time facing forward!}

{So happy to be alive and OUT}

{The prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen}

{My little Loralai (that's my nickname for her)}

{At their own tables like big girls}

{What M thought of anymore pictures}

{Special Socks}

Happy New Year!!!!