Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Adoption Diaries: Chapter 1

Just in case your not to speed on this whole Adoption Diary thing, read this.

{This post was originally written on 12-12-11}

Title: The A Word

Lord help me. I am about to blog about something I have been holding in. Not because I don't want to share (because I really want to SHOUT it from the roof tops) but because I'm scared that once I put it out there, it becomes "real". And then if it doesn't in fact happen, having it out there will some how make it worse. Its almost like telling someone your pregnant while your still in the first tri. Exactly like that actually. But I thought and thought about it and because you all are my support, my shoulder to lean on, I decided that I need you to know. Because, well I need you!!! This all comes down to that in a matter of a month, I COULD HAVE A BABY IN MY ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like, a baby that would be mine. A baby that I wouldn't give back. Like I COULD BE ADOPTING A BABY!

Can someone please pinch me??? Because this isn't my life. I swear. It just isn't!!!

I haven't even wanted to really "talk" about it with anyone because I am just so scared. Scared to get my hopes up, scared it wont happen, scared something will jinx it, and scared that all this time and energy I'm starting to put into it is all for nothing.

But the facts are the facts, and that is that IN A MONTH (OR LESS) I COULD HAVE A BABY and one has to prepare for that!

So how did this happen? Well remember how I told you that L's mom was pregnant? When I found out she was expecting (back in October way before the whole L situation came about) I offered to adopt the baby, because I knew she couldn't take care of another one. Remember, this is BEFORE the whole L thing!! I was still cycling to as a matter of fact. But I offered and I was serious.

Nothing came of it, until I got L though. Once she was here, me and her mom started talking more and slowly starting having more and more conversations about my offer- ya know the A word.

As of yet, I still don't have a firm Yes or No answer, but during our last conversation (over an hour too I might add) I did tell her that I was pressuring her for an answer, that I know this is the hardest decsiosn she will ever have to make, but I just needed to know if this is something i need to be prepared for. Her response was all I needed. It was and I quote "Stay prepared".

She is on board, she knows its the right thing to do, and she knows the baby would go to a loving, deserving home. Its the birth father that is wavering. She mentioned them "trying" it out first, but I don't know whats going to happen. All I DO know is, and I told her this, I would be on a plane IN A SECOND if she calls me.

The baby (a girl!!!) is due mid January, but this is her 3rd baby. Next week she will be considered full term, so really "we are at the anytime now" status.

Holy shit.


bella1021 said...

OH MY GOSH!!!! WOW Can't wait to flip to the next page!!! fingers, toes and eyes crossed!!

bella1021 said...

ACK!! Clearly I was not all up to date as i thought!! I'm really sorry-- insert foot :(

I am glad to hear that things are getting a little better... I really have nothing else to say.. I can't even being to imagine :(