Friday, January 6, 2012

Therapeutic Run

Some of the most beautiful things have happened to me in the last few months, and I try to think of those things often, so I don't want this to be a woe is me post but I have to get this out.

There has been a LOT of turmoil in my life over the last few months as well. The infertility and the whole loss of a baby that never existed, welcoming L to our family, going through some of the scariest financial times of our life in regards to our business, weight gain from all the infertility shots and hormones, being DEATHLY ill with the flu on Christmas day and the whole week of my girls winter break, a 2 year old that's been diagnosed with early asthma, issues with my marriage that we are trying to work on, grandparents that raised me being VERY ill and in and out of hospitals, and so much more that I haven't even discussed on this blog. Then work! Work...To top it off my Secretary put in her 2 week notice (which really was 1 week and a day) on the day I was admitted to the hospital on my death bed with the flu.

So yeah. Talk me off the ledge. Its been a LOT.

But I had a free morning (which is VERY rare these days) so I put M in the jogging stroller, threw on my running shoes, and I ran...

....and ran....and ran...and ran....and I pounded out all those angry feelings, all the aggression, all the disappointment, bitterness, feelings of betrayal...and I just let it out...and I literally ran and said out loud "Just let it go...just let it go".

My anxiety has been THROUGH THE ROOF the last few weeks and I think its because I've had so much going on. And to make matters worse, I haven't been able to exercise in the last 4 weeks because of all of the above. What I'm realizing is that this anxiety that's piling up is due to the fact that I haven't been able to let it out, and I cant cover it up with medication anymore.

It was at this very moment during the run, that I could totally relate to fighters, boxers, cage fighters, mui tai fighters, etc. I can see that those people are probably people that deal with a  lot of anger and disappointment, or are emotionally turmoiled souls. Those feelings probably make them better fighters, etc. and that's is their way to let it out. I could be wrong, but that's my thought....

So even as a 5'1 115lb blonde mother of 3 girls I can totally relate to a 220 lbs male boxer.

It felt so good to literally pound out and rn out all those feelings. And I can only imagine that that's how they feel after a good boxing.

This morning I ran until I felt free, until I felt cleansed, and until I felt like all of the baggage was left behind. On the pavement. No longer on my back.


andrea said...

Oh no! You can't be having marital problems too! Another blog I follow (theomgmom) just got divorced and it made me so sad!

Amy said...

That sounds like a nice good dose of therapy! When i was at my most stressed and just an emotional wreck from everything i've been through, i started running, though i've never really loved it, it felt so good so i totally get this post! Lots of hugs, i know it's hard and we've had some of the toughest months in our marriage parts of last year but things are getting soooo much better, hope the same goes for you too!

Jennifer said...

I am NOT a runner, never have been, but I vividly remember one day after ANOTHER failed cycle, I need some sort of way to get my frustration out and for some strange reason, I wound up running, and running, and running just like you. I felt like Forrest Gump, but damn it felt good to get the anxiety and frustration out.

There are certainly far worse ways for us to handle anger and stress.

Keep your head held high, girl!