It Still Isn't Over...

Our fertility issues that is, and I guess will never really be. Even though I am pregnant now, we still will never have the option to conceive that most couples do. Its still really hard for me to accept that we will never have that option. I am still bitter and I still carry that around with me everyday. I hope that someday I will find a way to accept that. So onto my real post....

Once again, I have to start out by saying THANK YOU GOD that I got pregnant when I did!! because if we were still trying now (at least with IUI's), our chances would be much lower. For some reason my DH's sperm as gotten progressively worse since our BFP despite still being on the HCG these last 3 months.

He went in today to leave his final "donation" and just since the last time (which was about a month ago) his count was 50% less, motility was still only 26% and over all the sample was worse than the last. I just done get it. Maybe this is the way it was all supposed to work out? I don't know, but it is puzzling to me.

One thing that surprised me was that at the clinic they will always freeze 1 test vial. A vial that they will thaw after freeze to see how things defrost, etc. I didn't even know they did this, so I was excited to know what the results were from the first test thaw. Well it wasn't good, 2.4 million. With any insemination they like to have at least 5 million sperm per attempt. So basically if we ever wanted to try IUI's again we will have about 2 tries and that's it. Of course we would be fine if we wanted to pursue IVF with the frozen sperm! But again, we don't have coverage for that and I know in my heart that DH will not be willing to spend 10,000 + dollars after we have already had a healthy child together. I just know he wont.

Yes, I know...this is all just in case and if I want another one...I know I may have this child and feel complete. But what if I don't? Its not like we can just decide to have another one like most couples, ya know?

UGH....I hate infertility!!