April 18th, 2009

This is a very special day to me. Because exactly one year ago today, on April 18th 2009 I had IUI # 3. And exactly 12 days later I woke up at 5:30 am, peed on a digital pregnancy test filled with fear that what if it didn't work, where are we going from here, and how would I handle another BFN after 22 months of disappointments and pain. Only I didn't see another BFN, I saw the single most beautiful word I have ever seen....

Pregnant.

And my whole life changed. In that very moment. and I cried and cried in pure and utter happiness and disbelief. A happiness I have never felt before. After hoping and praying for something for so long, and having let down after let down, there it was starting in my face. Pregnant! One simple word changed my whole life, and I cried more. I was shaking I was so happy. I wrote this post and was on top of the world, yet still so fragile. IF does that to you, but I knew it my heart it would be okay. It had to be.

It still seems like yesterday, walking into the ultra sounds room at my RE's office for our first u/s, clinching my husbands hand to the point of loss of circulation, just praying to see a healthy heartbeat (and of course wondering how many babies were in there as I had 3 mature follies at trigger time). And I did, and it was the most beautiful sight. And I cried more because I felt so so lucky.

This was my baby. Our baby. The baby we had been hoping for for almost 2 years. The baby we fought for, paid thousands of dollars for, cried for, begged for, and then there she was just like none of that ever happened. A perfect little baby.

So this is a day I will never forget, almost like a birthday. This day represent so much to me. It was the day that Kay became a big sister, a day I became a mommy again, and a day that filled the void in our family. The day I got pregnant with Miss M. April 18th, 2009. As I sit here and look at her now, I just cant believe how far we've come in just 1 year!! I am still just so so thankful that I got to experience it all again. Because nothing in this world means more to me that my babies!! And because I know there are still so many couples who are in my old shoes, who deserve this just as much as I do.