Looming Emotions

With this treatment cycle getting ready to start (should be getting AF today or tomorrow!) this is all becoming too real. I am realizing that my plan is now becoming my reality. And as much as I thought I was ready for this day, I am starting to get mixed emotions thinking about all this. I thought that no matter what the out come of these last 2 attempts, I would be okay. What is meant to be, is meant to be. Well now that its actually here, am I really ready for this all to be over?

I just hate that I have to make this decision. I hate that I have to face never having the option to have another child at only 28. I hate that I don't have the luxury of being able to have another in a few years, if we wanted to without having to plan and pay for IVF. I just hate it all. But these are the cards I was dealt. Infertility is not fair, not for me and not for anyone else dealing with it. If this IUI or the next doesn't work- that's it. No more kids. I will never be pregnant again, and I have no more options (unless we pay to do IVF, which will never happen). That chapter is over me. Its a very hard pill to swallow now that I am forced to deal with it. I just wish I didn't HAVE to make this decision. I wish I could leave the door open...ugh.

I will be blogging and documenting through my cycle once it gets started! Lots of prayers please.