Camera Less

I cant go another day without my camera!

::::bangs head on keyboard:::::

Back track to a week and a half ago. I turned my camera on only to see lines and black on the display screen. So I called Panasonic and they told me to mail it in (it is still under warranty) and they would either fix it, or sent me another one. I expressed to her the urgency in getting it back as quickly as possible and lets just say she wasn't too interested in my new mom banter.

Well that was 11 days, 1 hour, and 49 minutes ago. Don't these people know 11 days without a camera and a new baby is like 11 days being trapped somewhere without water! I cant take it anymore. I feel like I am missing SO much and the iPhone just isn't cutting it. So please bear with me and my photo less posts or craptastic iPhone pictures until I get it back! AGH!

Meal Planning Monday

Another Monday means another day of meal planning and shopping for the week at my house. I am so thankful to have such a great husband, he watched the baby this morning so I could sit down and plan this week's menu!

• Escarole Soup with Turkey Meatballs aka Italian wedding soup
• Shrimp Fajitas- quick and easy!
• Parmesan Chicken with roasted broccoli with garlic
• Turkey Stuffed Peppers with corn on the cob
• Meatless (soy) Chicken Pattie Sandwich's (this is my favorite brand, has a great taste unlike some other soy products and I've tried them all!) on sandwich thins with a green salad.

I'm Done...But Am I?

For those of you that are done having children, are you truly at peace with that decision? Can you say "I'm Done" and have no qualms about it? Or do you just accept that's the way it has to be for a specific reason (finances, IF, etc.)?

I get asked this questions almost every day...So are you going to have anymore? Is she going to be your last one? Are you gonna try for a boy?

And every time I get asked this I say "I don't think so, I am pretty sure we are done" and there is this little voice in my head that says- but are you? and it almost hurts for me to admit that yes- we will probably never have another child. I just am not to a place yet where I can say "Yes-I am done" in an honest way. I am not ready to think about the reality that is Miss M will be the last baby of mine that I will hold, that I will feed, that I will hold up to my face and take deep breathes of beautiful baby smell, and that she was my last pregnancy. I'm just not ready to accept that.

Here's the confusing part. I'm not sure I'm feeling this way is because I know I CANT have another baby, or if these are genuine feelings. You know that saying, you always want what you can have sort of thing. And if we were like normal fertiles and could just have sex and get pregnant, would I want to have another one? Or would I be popping birth control pills like tic tacs right now? Or is it because I am faced with that fact that I KNOW that I will never have another child because of a medical condition that makes me wish I could have another oneday? Infertility can really change the face of many many things in your life, and even though I am a success story, its still there.

But deep down in my heart I just don't feel done.

I casually talked to my DH the other night about this, and he looked at me with this "I knew this was gonna happen smirk on his face" because we had a very specific conversation while going through fertility treatments. He said to me, are you sure this is it? Your not going to get pregnant, have a baby, and then be crying to me that you want another one right? and at that point I just wanted A baby so badly that I said "yes, this is it". Even back then I wasn't sure though. Because how can you *really* know how you are going to feel about something in the future. The fact is, he made a huge compromise with me. He didn't want anymore children, and I desperately wanted another. I hate saying that he didn't want anymore, because obviously to go through what he did, he had to want it a little ; ) but he was perfectly fine just having Kay and going through our lives (remember he has a 2 children, a son and a daughter from his previous marriage).

So the other night, he said well then we've met in the middle. You really wanted 2 more, I didn't want anymore, so Miss M it is. And I guess he is right. But again, it still doesn't feel right and I'm not sure it ever will.

Oh Baby!

I've added my little blog to the Top Baby Blogs directory, since my blog has become that. A baby blog! If you like me, you'll click daily. That's all : ) I love you guys!

Show Us Your Life: A Typical Day

Kelly's Korner has a "Show Us Your Life" segment every Friday on her blog, and I thought it would be fun to participate in this one- What's Your Typical Day Like? I always find it interesting to see what other's people "typical" days looks like..so here's mine.

5:30-7:30am: Wake up. Miss M (depending on what time she last ate) will wake sometime between this time frame, then Kay gets up around 7:30 also.

7:30-8:00am: Feed Kay breakfast and get her dressed and ready for school, pack her lunch and throw on something suitable for drop off at school.

8:15am: Leave to take Kay to school. I am lucky enough that my DH stays home with Miss M in the mornings, so I don't have to pack her up just to drop Kay off in the mornings- which is a huge help since we are always in a rush to get out the door.

9:00-10:00am: Eat breakfast (even if its while standing holding a baby!), if she was up early she will be napping now, and I will rush out the door for a quick workout- that is until DH calls me and summons me back home because he has to get to work, or the baby woke up. If she's up, this will be feeding/morning playtime and I skip the gym.

10:30am: Blog, work, check Facebook, work, check my other daily internet sites, work. You get the idea...

11:00-12:00pm: Shower, put makeup on, and get dressed for the day. Eat lunch and feed/play with Miss M.

12:00-2:o0pm: Run errands for the day, grocery shop, etc.

2:30pm: Get Kay from school.

3:00-5:00pm: Feed her a snack, feed/entertain Miss M, get Kay ready for what ever after school activity she has that day (she dances and swims) and head out the door.

5:00-6:00pm: Get home, prepare dinner, eat.

6:00pm: Clean up time! Unload/load the dishwasher, clear & clean the kitchen table, clean kitchen. Daddy spends time with the girls.

6:30pm: Homework time with Kay.

7:00-7:30pm: Get kids bathed and dressed for bed. Kay gets a bedtime snack and some TV time. Feed Miss M.

8:00-8:30pm: Story and bedtime for Kay.

9:00-10:30pm: Its Miss M time! She seems to be always awake during this time, so we have quite play with dim lights and she will usually eat again. I will also try and catch that days Oprah, or some other brain damaging reality show that I love to watch. Put Miss M to sleep.

10:30ish: Bed time for momma!

The Bitch is Back

Well well...my first postpartum AF has finally arrived and I will say she has not been missed. This explains why the last few days all I have wanted to do was EAT everything in sight. Luckily, I used every bit of determination I had in my body and resisted the insane urge to stuff massive amounts of food in my face. I want to be skinny way more than I want that warm bagel with extra crunchy peanut butter. It is hard, but at least I know it was all AF induced and it will pass soon (hopefully)!

Caught on Tape

I managed to capture a smile today from Miss M on video! This was taken from my iPhone just moments ago : )

Wordless Wednesday

Mommy Envy

We all experience it at some point or another, not only as mothers but as women. There will always be "that" mother, co-workers, neighbor, friend, or relative that seems to be able to do it all and do it all effortlessly. How does she do it? How does she manage?

There is a couple mothers that I envy and for different reasons.

One in particular seems to be able to manage her very well behaved children, running them to play dates, school, and extra circular activities, all without one sign of stress on her face. How does this stay at home mom manage to have full hair and makeup done by 7:15 am, wearing a new trendy outfit (I swear I have never seen this woman wear the same thing twice) and carrying the latest Louis Vuitton bag with 3 kids to get up with every morning? She volunteers at both her kids schools, then shuttles them to whatever activity, cooks an all organic dinner, and still manages to have them all bathed and in bed by 7:45pm. How does she do it? Does this women ever sleep?

Now now before you say "Lisa we don't know what goes on behind closed doors", I realize this. And I realize that you cant judge a book by its cover, and that this mom (or any mom) is not perfect! But I envy her ability to (appear) to be able to do it all- and calmly. Because I see other mothers that try to "do it all" and some of them just look stressed out, ragged, and ready to jump off the nearest Chuck E. Cheese building all while wearing stretch pants, her husbands t-shirt, and a scrunchie from 1993. But not this mom. So I envy that. Don't get it confused with jealousy. I am not jealous of this women. I love MY life, and am very content and happy with what I have and my capabilities as a mother, but in some ways it makes me strive to be better. Does that make sense?

So what is it about "that" woman in your life that you envy?

Meal Planning Monday

I have been trying to find new recipes to experiment with, specifically ones with few ingredients or things I have on hand (and of course healthy!). From now on to help you out, I will be posting links to some of the new dishes I try. Most of the time I get them from my Rachael Ray Magazine, which I love or online from various websites. So here is this weeks meal plan at my house:

• Baked Chicken Parmesan with whole wheat pasta and a side salad (I skip the pasta until I reach my goal weight).
• Homemade Pizza's
• Baked Garlic Lemon Tilapia with fresh sauteed veggies (zucchini, mushrooms, onions, red bell pepper, eggplant, and asparagus) and brown rice (I skip the rice too!).
• Chicken Enchilada Crock Pot Chili - I am very excited to try this one pot wonder!
• Stuffed Turkey Burgers on sandwich thins and a mixed green salad.