I think the most common questions I see from any woman who has dealt with infertility and is now pregnant is..
When will it go away?Why does is still sting every time I hear a pg announcement?Will I always be this bitter?orI'm finally pregnant, so why does it still hurt so bad?I have asked and still ask myself these questions all the time, and the truth is I don't think it will ever go away. I mean, how could I really think that something that had such an impact on my life would just fade away because of a positive pregnancy test? Because pregnancy was the ultimate goal I guess? But if I had been diagnosed and treated for a serious disease and was now better (not cured!), should I expect to just forget all the bumps and hurtles I had to jump to get better? I, like many SAIF'ers (Success after Infertility), had it in my mind too that it would be easier once I was finally pregnant. The truth is (and forgive me if I offend anyone) but unless I know they have struggled with IF it still hurts to hear people announce their pregnant. I am happy for them, but then the why me's? Why us? Why did we have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars, almost 2 years, and many many tears later to finally have something that most couple get for free one night in bed together? kick in. Its horrible! I hate feeling this way, I want to be
truly happy for others who are expecting regardless if they had struggles or not. I don't want to be this bitter infertile who wears infertility like a badge, but the wound is still there and I don't know how or when the sting will go away. Or
if it will ever go away. This is part of our lives, whether we like it or not, it's there. And the truth of the matter is....We are still infertile.
We don't have the option of having more children if we want. That is unless we want to spent another 2 years, thousands more dollars on treatments while working with RE's and a male infertility urologist paying for and doing more shots for DH all while praying that it will work the same the second time around. And that still doesn't guarantee us a pregnancy or a baby.
We are infertile. That will never go away. I guess I need to come to terms with it? But how does one do that? How does one begin to accept that
without pain or resentment?
Some SAIF'ers have said that the sting will never go away but as the years go by it hurts less, but that is always still there...So I guess this is the next chapter of my IF journey, learning how to deal with my past (and reality!) and really move on from that dark dark place.
And she dug right in
We always collect our pumpkin seeds so we can roasted them...although Kay was confused and thought I was going to make a pie! Boy was she wrong...she should know by now that mommy is so not a baker. Needless to say she was very meticulous while cleaning out her pumpkin.
And boy was he dirty...boys...
She really wanted her pumpkin to have a scary face, but we had no patterns that were scary enough for her liking. She waited patiently while daddy mapped out her pattern.
AND...ta-da....the final product! Ironically enough, mine was the tall skinny one! We all had a chuckle about that seeing how I am walking around with a nice big pumpkin size belly : ) 
And last but not least, a picture of the sunset from our deck. Beautiful!
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