Thinking Positive

Trying to find the positive in infertility is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. It really is. On my road I have managed to find a few of those needles though. I remember the agonizing days in early to mid 2008 of long dreadful annovulatory cycles, horrible s/a results, cysts, missing periods, and still trying to swallow the horse pill that is "we are infertile? what?". Now, even though I have not gotten that BFP I dream of, at least I am able to move on each cycle and continue treatments pretty much right away. That makes dealing with this so much easier. Because you don't have the time to suffer and wonder "why me?" because you are already working towards another shot. Literally, another shot. Being stuck in infertility limbo is probably the worst thing, aside from the BFN's every month, cycle after cycle. So this all got me thinking about what other positives I have managed to discover out of dealing with the most heartbreaking, unfair, why me, bitter infertile almost 2 years of my life. Here are some of those things:

• I hug my daughter much tighter now! I really thank god everyday for giving her to me. IF has made me so much more grateful for even being able to have her. I don't take one second for granted like some of the other "fertiles" out there. It has also made me realize what a true miracle each and every child is. I know how lucky I am!
• It has made me aware of how many couples are dealing with this. Like everyone else, I was in the dark about infertility and how many couples it effects. It has also made me want to spread the word and raise awareness and help others (including myself) learn how to not be ashamed or feel like we cant talk about these issues. IF is a medical issue and should be treated as so!
• It has made me realizes that no one deserves this, and that god isn't trying to tell me something. (Seriously at one point I thought because we weren't able to conceive on our own that it was gods way of telling us that we should not reproduce).
• It has made me closer to my husband. IF has the power to ripe couples apart. It is hard, emotionally draining, expensive, and the list goes on. For some couples this is too much, or they don't see eye to eye. And even though my DH has 2 children from his previous marriage and would be content with no more, he is going through all of this for me. Because he loves me and knows how much this means to me. Don't get me wrong, we have had rough patches and many of arguments about IF, but for the most part it has made us stronger.
• It has allowed to me to meet some of the most amazing, strong, supportive women on this planet!! These women on the TTTC board have made me see what a real sisterhood is all about. Even though we are brought together by something I would wish on no one; it is truly amazing and I am so lucky to have a place to go for undivided support and advise, where someone is going through what I am, and feels what I am feeling. It is not fake, it is not catty, it is real and its been a lifesaver to me.
• It has made me realizes that I can share my story and hopefully help someone along their IF struggle. The "blog" world is full of so much support and information. I have learned so much, and I truly don't feel alone in my journey like I once did.
• It has made me thankful and learn to appreciate the art of modern medicine. For without that I would not be able to have a child with my husband, or give Kay a sibling that she so desires. I understand that there are people out there who thinks we are "playing with gods plan" well I tell those people to walk in my shoes and then tell me that!

So to end my post, lets all try and find the positive in the things that we are struggling with. Lets try to learn and grow from it in some way. I refuse to let infertility rob me of everything. It has already taken SO much from me but I will not let it take my hope, my optimism, my chance to complete my family, and most of all my good spirit.