Once an Infertile, Always an Infertile

I think the most common questions I see from any woman who has dealt with infertility and is now pregnant is..

When will it go away?
Why does is still sting every time I hear a pg announcement?
Will I always be this bitter?
or
I'm finally pregnant, so why does it still hurt so bad?

I have asked and still ask myself these questions all the time, and the truth is I don't think it will ever go away. I mean, how could I really think that something that had such an impact on my life would just fade away because of a positive pregnancy test? Because pregnancy was the ultimate goal I guess? But if I had been diagnosed and treated for a serious disease and was now better (not cured!), should I expect to just forget all the bumps and hurtles I had to jump to get better? I, like many SAIF'ers (Success after Infertility), had it in my mind too that it would be easier once I was finally pregnant. The truth is (and forgive me if I offend anyone) but unless I know they have struggled with IF it still hurts to hear people announce their pregnant. I am happy for them, but then the why me's? Why us? Why did we have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars, almost 2 years, and many many tears later to finally have something that most couple get for free one night in bed together? kick in. Its horrible! I hate feeling this way, I want to be truly happy for others who are expecting regardless if they had struggles or not. I don't want to be this bitter infertile who wears infertility like a badge, but the wound is still there and I don't know how or when the sting will go away. Or if it will ever go away. This is part of our lives, whether we like it or not, it's there. And the truth of the matter is....We are still infertile.

We don't have the option of having more children if we want. That is unless we want to spent another 2 years, thousands more dollars on treatments while working with RE's and a male infertility urologist paying for and doing more shots for DH all while praying that it will work the same the second time around. And that still doesn't guarantee us a pregnancy or a baby.

We are infertile. That will never go away. I guess I need to come to terms with it? But how does one do that? How does one begin to accept that without pain or resentment?

Some SAIF'ers have said that the sting will never go away but as the years go by it hurts less, but that is always still there...So I guess this is the next chapter of my IF journey, learning how to deal with my past (and reality!) and really move on from that dark dark place.