Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
DH doing his dirty work...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I also volunteered to answer the Help Line on Fridays for the next year. Basically people can call the local RESOLVE Help Line for help and resources regarding all things IF in their area. Recommendations for RE's or adoption agencies, infertility counselors...things of that nature. Or if they just need someone to talk to about their struggles. I also might take over organizing the professional support groups that are held (where RE/IF professional offices hold a support group to give advice, etc.) We'll see.
Overall it feels great to help out with something that is so close to my heart, and something I am SO passionate about. I am really excited to see how things turn out next weekend and hopefully we will be able to reach out to a lot of couples who are still struggling to build their families.
If anyone is in AZ, and would like more info about the Fall Family Building Symposium you can click here. Or you can click here to find support groups or events being held in your area!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Time to come up with some creative ideas to help make her feel included, with out her actually being there : (
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
When will it go away?
Why does is still sting every time I hear a pg announcement?
Will I always be this bitter?
I'm finally pregnant, so why does it still hurt so bad?
I have asked and still ask myself these questions all the time, and the truth is I don't think it will ever go away. I mean, how could I really think that something that had such an impact on my life would just fade away because of a positive pregnancy test? Because pregnancy was the ultimate goal I guess? But if I had been diagnosed and treated for a serious disease and was now better (not cured!), should I expect to just forget all the bumps and hurtles I had to jump to get better? I, like many SAIF'ers (Success after Infertility), had it in my mind too that it would be easier once I was finally pregnant. The truth is (and forgive me if I offend anyone) but unless I know they have struggled with IF it still hurts to hear people announce their pregnant. I am happy for them, but then the why me's? Why us? Why did we have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars, almost 2 years, and many many tears later to finally have something that most couple get for free one night in bed together? kick in. Its horrible! I hate feeling this way, I want to be truly happy for others who are expecting regardless if they had struggles or not. I don't want to be this bitter infertile who wears infertility like a badge, but the wound is still there and I don't know how or when the sting will go away. Or if it will ever go away. This is part of our lives, whether we like it or not, it's there. And the truth of the matter is....We are still infertile.
We don't have the option of having more children if we want. That is unless we want to spent another 2 years, thousands more dollars on treatments while working with RE's and a male infertility urologist paying for and doing more shots for DH all while praying that it will work the same the second time around. And that still doesn't guarantee us a pregnancy or a baby.
We are infertile. That will never go away. I guess I need to come to terms with it? But how does one do that? How does one begin to accept that without pain or resentment?
Some SAIF'ers have said that the sting will never go away but as the years go by it hurts less, but that is always still there...So I guess this is the next chapter of my IF journey, learning how to deal with my past (and reality!) and really move on from that dark dark place.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
In a way I guess its good, I am tackling some things I have been meaning to get to for a while now...but at the same time I feel like I should be on a show...IDK...The Diary of a Mad Pregnant Woman?!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
She really likes it over there because here she is again the other night ...lumped to the right side.
I am also feeling lumps and bumps is other places now, so I am not sure if she has moved or if she is just bigger now so I am feeling more....either way it's good times!!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
- B.L.T's made with thick cut bacon (man I have been craving one of these!!) So excited!
- Chicken Teriyaki with stir fry veggies and brown rice
- Apricot & Rosemary pork chops with new potatoes and asparagus
- Coconut Shrimp with veggie spring rolls
- Chicken and Noodle Casserole
Feel free to leave a comment if you are interested in any recipes and/or instructions.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
I have a lot going on in my life right now and have been feeling very overwhelmed and stressed out most days. I do my best to try and remind myself that "this too shall pass" and that some things are out of my control. I know its not good for me to feel stressed out while pregnant. I have noticed that when I am really stressed I have more braxton hicks contractions....and that's no bueno. I will not disclose everything that is going on, but one of my biggest worries is the fact that we have started another huge renovation on our house (we are knocking out a wall and adding a new foyer and front door, adding a step in the living room, finishing my DH's office, and re carpeting). I lay awake at night worrying if it will be done in time for the baby. It HAS to be done in time. I cant have any construction going on with a newborn in the house. But again, its out of my hands...we are at a stand still...pending a city building permit. I am at their mercy. I know when this goes through I will feel better.
So here's to better days!!! Let the weekend begin : )
Monday, October 12, 2009
- Homemade pizza's (so fun to do with Kay too!) and a side salad
- BBQ chicken, with oven roasted corn on the cob, and mashed potatoes
- Salmon with a asian sesame sauce, veggies, and rice
- Crock pot beef stew (so easy and my DH loves this! I freeze the left overs in individual serving sizes so he can just take it out and re heat for lunches, etc.)
- Lasagna, italian style salad, and break sticks
I will say that I don't usually cook on the weekends. Normally we will eat out or get take out 1 night, and then the other night we will have left overs from the week. I love to cook, but its nice to have the weekends "off"!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
January 2008- Started charting, showing no ovulation, also found out we have MFI or male factor infertility (very low testosterone, lowish counts, very low motility (3%), and low morph (9%).
February 2008- First appointment with a male infertility urologist. Uro most concerned with his low testosterone levels, sperm count, and most importantly his very very low motility.
April 2008- DH started Clomid and Fertility Blend for Men.
May 2008- Clomid is not helping at all, dose was increased. Started testing on me through my OB.
June 2008- First RE appointment! Clomid still not helping DH at all, moving onto 3x weekly hCG injections.
July 2008- Testing with RE begins; CD 3 b/w, u/s, and a HSG. Baseline u/s showed large cyst, all other tests were cancelled. DH started injects.
August 2008- Testing take 2! CD 3 u/s, b/w, and HSG. Cyst gone, tubes clear, hormones normal. RE said I have very PCOSish like cycles (long and annovulatory). DX'ed with Ovulatory Dysfunction.
September 2008- IUI #1 w/ clomid & trigger shot. Cancelled due to poor S/A results (only 300,000 total mobile sperm). Now looking into IVF w/ICSI
October 2008- IVF #1; cancelled.
November 2008- Break Cycle that was 63 days long, provera to induce AF.
December 2008- Another break cycle. DH has follow up S/A after being on the hCG 5 months now and low and behold it is WORKING!! Motility improved from 3% to 49%, count went from around 20 mil. to 40 mil., morph still low at 11%. Thank you hCG!! Moving back to IUI's!
January 2009- IUI #1 take 2 w/ 50 mg clomid + trigger (1 follie) + progesterone: BFN
March 2009- IUI # 2 w/ 100 mg clomid + trigger (2 follies) + progesterone: BFN (count post wash was 14 mil. with 39 % motility)
April 2009- IUI # 3 w/ 50 mg clomid + 75 units of follistim + trigger (3 follies) + progesterone: BFP!!!! (count post wash was 12 mil. and 36 % motility) Beta #1 at 12 dpo was 100, Beta #2 at 14 dpo was 274!! Click here for my BFP chart
May 2009- First u/s showed 1 healthy baby!!! HB was 125 bpm at 6 weeks 4 days!! SO in love.
July 2009- Decided to freeze 2 samples of sperm 'just in case' before DH stopped taking HCG and started back testosterone therapy.
Dec 2009- Little M entered the world! Click here to read my birth story!
Jan 2011- Back to the RE to discuss using our frozen sperm, re did HSG and CD 3 labs. Tubes clear, labs good.
May 2011- Frozen sperm IUI. 50 mg clomid + follistim + 2 extra shots of bravelle due to lack of response + trigger (3 mature follies) + IUI w/ 2.4 mil total motile sperm + progesterone: BFN
June 2011- Frozen sperm IUI attempt. 100 mg clomid + 75 units of bravelle on CD 5, 7, & 9 + a few more shots of bravelle + trigger (3 follies) + IUI w/ 9.6 mil sperm: BFN
August 2011- Large cyst (60mm) on forced break. BCP for 2 months to shrink.
Oct/Nov 2011- Final frozen sperm IUI: BFFN It's over :(
Nov 2011- Unexpectedly became a foster mom to my 6 year old cousin, L. God works in mysterious ways!
If anyone has any question regarding our journey, is going through the same things and has questions, or simply needs some support, please feel free to email me. I love to hear from you and thank you for being there to help support me over the years.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Then after the tech was done with all her measurements she went to get some good 3/4D face shots for us, but by then baby was over it and was napping with her face snuggled right into the placenta as if it were a pillow. The tech tried and tried to get her to move, but she was comfy and was not having any of it. So we only got one picture, and its not that great. It's probably going to be even harder for you to see because my desk top computer is down right now and I am having to use my lap top, which means I had to take a pic with my camera of the picture. Here is a shot of her profile, you can see her ear on the right and her face/nose/mouth to the left. She's so cute already : P
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Next up...our follow up u/s on Friday to take a look at the fluid in one of the baby's kidneys that we discovered at our big u/s. They wanted to do the follow up u/s between 26-27 weeks to see if the fluid looks the same, or is gone, or what. I am praying that everything looks fine this time. I am just really excited to see her again and see how big she has gotten! Honestly I am not worried yet, which is surprising because even though they told me it was within the "normal variance" just hearing that there is anything is potentially "wrong" with your baby is not a good feeling. But I honestly haven't let it bother me AND I still haven't googled it!! Very very impressed with myself. So I am hoping this is a good sign and that she is A-OK in there and that both kidney's and everything else looks great. I am sure once I am sitting in the waiting room on Friday morning I will be a ball of nerves though....I always am.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
How far along: 26 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Up 18 pounds
Maternity clothes: Yes, everything is maternity.
Stretch marks: No...thank god.
Sleep: It was better for about 2 weeks there, but is now back to shitty again. I wake up 3-4 times a night...sometimes for an hour at a time, and I have also been waking up early, despite getting less sleep : (
Best moment last week: Finishing painting the nursery and getting the carpet installed...slowly but surely her room is coming along.
Movement: Oh yes, definite sleep and wake patterns now too. As a matter of fact, she's going crazy in there as I type (she's a morning person!)
Food cravings: Beef, salads, and now decaf iced pumpkin spice lattes with whip cream from Starbucks. I have had 3 this week : ) They are my new favorite thing, and it also helped with the coffee craving i was having.
Labor Signs: No, but I get Braxton Hicks contractions often and they suck.
Belly Button in or out: Out
What I miss: Walking without huffing and puffing, not having to pee 23967384927 times per night.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing her again at my u/s this Friday, finishing the nursery, and my baby shower!
Milestones: Almost to the third trimester!!
Friday, October 2, 2009
In other baby news, the nursery is all painted and the new carpet got installed yesterday! Yippee! All we need to do now is install the baseboards, put the blinds back up, and pick up the furniture (it comes in this afternoon).
Now I am on the hunt for a perfect chandelier!
OB just called and I failed my 1 hour glucose test : ( I was really good too....so now I have to take the 3 hour on Tuesday. Ugh. Oh and my iron is low, so they instructed me to go to the pharmacy and pick up an iron supplement to take along with my prenatal vitamin.
PRAY I pass my 3 hour!!