The RE Called Me Today

In response to the email I sent him last Monday. Long story short, he wants to wait until we get DH's S/A results back before we make a solid plan because like I said before, that will determine what kind of treatment we need to do. About my lack of ovulation, he said not to be worried about that because they will put me on a fertility drug to induce ovulation for me. Basically the drug makes you ovulate. So nothing else for now on the baby front.

I am counting down the days until the big S/A (18 more days to be exact) Also my DH is completely freaked out by having to "give a sample" he's like "Why do I need to do this?" He does NOT want to do it! But I told him to not be freaked out, that we have to know what we are working with before we can move forward...and basically all they are asking him to do is masturbate! Shoot...that's fun compared to what I'm going to have do to get my tests done! I'll take masturbating over getting a balloon and iodine shot in my uterus any day of the week. So I am being a good wifey and trying to support and calm his nerves about it.

3% and 2 More Pounds

I checked my body fat about a month ago it was 20.1 or 3 or something like that. That's not bad at all! It is considered between excellent and good. I checked my body fat today and 17.2% baby! WOOOHOOOO I lost 3% of my body fat and I dropped 2 more pounds. So now I am 10.5-111 pounds. I walked out of the gym today feeling SO happy! It totally made my day and shows that all my hard work is paying off. I knew I lost more weight because all my shorts/pants are getting pretty loose, but to see the number made me happy!!

Only a few more pounds to go and then I will just maintain.

Hey...It's my blog I am allowed to be a attention whore right?

MASH

I saw this on Ambie's blog and thought I would play too...here are my results, fun stuff! :

You will marry Daniel

After a wild honeymoon, you will settle down in Italy in your fabulous Mansion.

You will have 4 kid(s) together. WAIT..really : )

The family will zoom around in a pink Range Rover.

You will spend your days as a Personal Shopper, and live happily ever after.


NICE!!! Now if all that really happens I will be one HAPPY women!

Click here to play http://www.espin.com/mash-game.php

Finally Heard Back From The Uro's Office

So DH's uro's office called me this morning about the new plan for him. At first she implied that the Dr. wanted him to up UP the does AGAIN, I told her NO way, its not working and there is no way in hell he will take it. She discussed with the Dr. and we have a new plan. In 3 weeks (1 month after being off the clomid) they want him to do a S/A and more blood work. Thank god he can do it at home, but we have to get it to the clinic within 30 minutes. Then a week later we have a appointment with the uro to go over the results and probably start the injections.

A LOT is riding on this upcoming s/a. This result, good or bad, is going to pave the path for the future of our IF journey. It will determine what kind of fertility treatment we will need to do to get PG and how much money this is all going to cost us. I am kinda nervous, but also just want to KNOW NOW!

I still have not heard back from the RE about the email I sent him the other day.....

Still Waiting

We are still waiting to here from DH's uro about moving on to the injections. I called the office today and he was not in. Hopefully they call tomorrow with a plan so we can get this show on the road! Today I also emailed our RE about the news regarding DH, and asked him if there is ANYTHING we can do to try and get PG while we wait another 3 months on a different medication. I know the odds of us conceiving on our own will still be low, but at least we will be trying!! I just feel so impatient, like all these months have just been wasted. I just want to MOVE FORWARD and not be stuck at a stand still. So we will see what he says. I will be stalking my email that for sure.

For me...another month with NO ovulation!!UGH! What they hell is wrong with me? Why cant my body just do what it is supposed to do? I am 25, healthy, and have had a child already!! I don't understand why this is happening. Dealing with the MFI is bad enough....but even if we did not have MFI I still could not get PG because I don't ovulate. Great.

On a good note, today was Kay's first summer dance class. In the summer, they go 2 times a week for 4 weeks, then they have a short break before the regular dance school year starts in August. She is now taking tap and ballet. She was so excited to start tap and tapped around the house all day today!! I really think she is going to love it.

My Kinda Author

While I was out shopping today I ran across these cook books. Anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE to cook and I am pretty good at it too! Anyways, I found these cheeky cookbooks and think they are great and too cute!! They would make great gifts!!

Being Thankful

Through out this journey to have another baby, with all the disappointments and heart ache I am enduring I cant help but thank god everyday for the healthy, most precious little girl I could ever ask for. My daughter Kay. Without her I really don't know where I would be right now. She changed my life in every way possible, and although she was a COMPLETE surprise I cant imagine my life without her. She gives me purpose in my life and has made me a better person in every aspect. Every morning now I look into her pretty blue eyes and just thank god for sending her to me, even at a time when I was not ready. Dealing with infertility has really made me realize what most women take for granted. That every child is truly a miracle, whether planned or not!! The science behind making a baby absolutely amazes me. I never thought of it much before now, and most women don't. We are made to make babies. For most couples having children is just the progression of your relationship and life. I think when you CANT make a baby and those reasons are out of your control it really makes you realize that. So thank you god for giving me the greatest gift in the world...my baby.

I am also extremely grateful for such amazing and supportive friends!! I know many of you don't truly understand what I am going through, but your support and encouragement really means a lot to me. I could never get through this without you all by my side. So I thank you for that!

Much Love~

More Bad News...

I just got the call from the urologist office. DH's had his follow up b/w since they increased his dose of clomid...and it still didnt help AT ALL. I am heart broken...the last couple months have been a waste. I was really hoping the clomid would work for him and we could move on to our treatment. Because both the RE and the Uro said that the clomid SHOULD really help and they are puzzled why it is doing nothing even on the higher dose.

Now its going to be another 3 months before we can even start something. As soon as I hung up the phone I started balling....when is this going to end? I was trying to be really optimistic this time thinking that the higher dose would help and we could move on. She said she was going to call me back in a few days to go over what we will do next because the Dr. is still reviewing his labs. I guess they want to move him onto the weekly HCG injections...but from what I have heard that itself can be really expensive. I am just really upset about this right now and I will update when I get more information.

My Dream Came True....And Then I Woke Up

Back story: When I was at the RE appt. when he was looking at my charts he was looking at the most current one and said " Well....ummm, have you taken a PG test" I said no why? He said "because your temps didn't drop when you got AF, and your period was light" (Usually your temp drops the day before or the day you get AF) I told him there was no way I was PG and then he looked at all the other months and realized that my body is just wacky and I have been having lighter periods for months now.

Okay so on to my story.......Last night I had a dream and it went as follows:

I was waiting for AF to come so I could go into my RE's office on CD 3 to start my testing and blood work. Well AF was late, so I took a PG test and it was POSITIVE. I started crying, shaking, and thinking about what the RE had told me and literally fell to my knee's. IT happened...I got my MIRACLE BFP!!! I was so shocked yet so utterly happy, a happiness that I have never felt before. I ran and told my DH "OH MY GOD I AM PG, can you believe it?!? Its a miracle!!" He was completely shocked and amazed that I actually had gotten PG. At that moment so many thoughts were going through my head...."Thank you god, we wont have to go through fertility treatments and I hope it sticks!!"

Then I woke up.

I could not believe it was a dream, it seemed SO real. I started to cry......
I found my DH (he was already awake) and he asked my why I was crying. I told him about the dream and how disappointing it was to wake up and realize it was not real. He just held me as I stood there in crying disbelief. It really took me a while to get it together this morning...I was really shaken up by it. Up to this point I have not had a dream like that and hopefully that is the last one.

Half Way There and My Weightloss Tips

I have always weighed between 108-112 as long as I can remember. Well after the wedding when we started our kitchen remodel and moved into a hotel suite for 2 months we had no choice but to eat out. A LOT. I was also only going to the gym about 2-3 times per week, when I normally go 5-6 days a week. Result= weight gain.

I stepped on the scale a month ago and my stomach sank.....122. WHAT?!? That's IT I thought to myself, my pants are getting too tight and I am becoming insecure with my body. Keep in mind I have always walked around the house naked and never felt insecure with my appearance, partly because I have always maintained it. 122 is my LIMIT, after that I really start feeling chunky. I will never let myself go beyond that. That day was the last day I was going to be 122. Keep in mind that I am only 5'1. I vowed to start working out my normal 5-6 days a week...no matter what and changing my eating habits. I have been really watching what I eat and my portion sizes.....and so far I have lost 8 pounds!!! I am now 114 and my cloths are MUCH loser already. I want to get back down to 108. I am feeling really good and it is keeping be motivated!!

Usually when I am on a diet, I will have a "cheat" day where I am eat anything I want that day...well not anymore. I have been giving myself 1 "cheat" meal a week and even then I have been really good about it. Wanna know why? Because 1 cheat day, turns into 2 cheat days, turns into 5 extra pounds.

So many people always ask me what I do...So to all my friends trying to lose weight or are just curious what I do, I am going to share some of the things I have been doing that have been successful:

Most Important Factor of Weight Loss: FOOD! Here are some tips:

• Drink water, only water, and lots of it.
• Eat breakfast every morning (this is a big challenge for me) Some of my favs are: 1 slice of whole wheat toast with a smear of organic crunchy peanut butter. Or 1 serving of low fat yogurt with some fruit. Or 1/2 of a english muffin with I cant believe its not butter light and a glass of O.J.
• Eat ALL your meals, even your biggest ones off of a salad size plate. This has really done the trick for me!!
• I eat 3 meals and 1 snack per day. Examples of snacks: a handful of pretzels, a hand full of trail mix, a fat free string cheese, a banana, a apple, a few baby carrots and hummus, a handful full of raw broccoli or cauliflower. See a trend here? Snacks should be no bigger than a handful. Maybe 2 if you are trying to maintain and not lose weight.
• NO eating after 7 pm. If you eat dinner late, no eating 3 hours before bed.
• Really watch salad dressings...eating just a salad CAN be fattening! Always order dressing on the side so you can control how much dressing goes on your salad.
• Never go back for seconds....never. Even if you still feel hungry. Drink some water and wait 10 min. I guarantee you will be satisfied. The goal is to NOT feel stuffed, when that happens you have over eaten!
• Only eats carbs with one meal per day, preferably with breakfast or lunch. Again, still watch the portion size. For example: spaghetti, your serving size should be 1 cup!
• Keep a food journal (I don't do this, but it is very helpful) you might be surprised how much you are actually eating in a day.
• REALLY watch your sugar intake.

I am not going to lie the first week or so, you will be hungry. But your body is used to you stuffing it! Your stomach will adjust and you will start to notice that even with the small portions, you will start to feel full!! Just hang in there!

Exercising, just as important!! Because no one wants to be skinny and flabby:

• Do 30 min. of cardio 4-6 days a week. Even if it is just a brisk walk around your neighborhood, as long as your heart rate is up. Cardio is the most important type of exercise when trying to drop weight!
• Start slow if you are not used to exercise...you will get there!
• Make working out a priority!! You would not NOT brush your teeth everyday would you? Well the same should be for exercising. It WILL get easier too I promise!
• Do intervals, for example walk for 4 min. run for 2. VERY effective.
• Weight train, use light weights and do 3 sets of 12 to 15 reps.
• Make a plan. Example : Mon/Wed Arms, shoulders and back. Tues/Thurs Legs and glutes. Whatever works best for you.
• Do abs every day or every other day. Abs are your core, and do not need as much recover time after training. You want to maintain a solid core.
• Mix it up!! Take a class once a week, try new things, see what other people are doing in the gym. You need to keep your body guessing and the goal is to NOT stay in the same routine. There are lots and lots of websites you can go to and get new exercise ideas.

Again like with the diet, dragging yourself to the gym everyday will get easier. But you have to stick to it or it wont. And most important don't make excuses for yourself! All you are doing if you are making excuses is sabotaging yourself!!

Judy and Marilyn.....Oh My!

I think it is so funny that Kay LOVES old movies!! Her favorite right now is Meet Me In St. Louis with Judy Garland. She also loves Gentlemen Prefer Blondes with Marilyn Monroe. In that movie Marilyn's characters name is Lorelei so every time Kay see's a picture of Marilyn Monroe, she says "Look mommy it's Lorelei!!" I think it is so cute!!

I guess she is following in mommy's foot steps because I have always been fascinated by the old movie stars and had a love for their movies!

Update: Our First RE Appt.

It went really well. We liked the Dr. and the facility a lot and I felt really good coming out of the appt. I do have a ovulatory issues, I do not ovulate regularly and with my husbands issues, we only have 2 options. Clomid/trigger shot and IUI or In vitro fertilization.We will not know which one we will have to do until next month when my DH gets his semen analysis after being on the clomid for the past 3 months. That will determine which route will will have to take.

If my DH has between 5-10 million good sperm, we will be able to do the clomid w/IUI which is around 1200.00 per try. If he has less than 5 mil. we will have to do in vitro, which is aound 14,000.00. So it all boils down to his results next month. Overall though, I feel SO much better that we at least have a plan of action , even though it still could be MANY months before I actually get PG.

In the mean time, I will be starting my testing. Blood work, a ultrasound on CD 3 next cycle, and then a HSG on CD 6. I really hope we have enough to do the IUI and am trying to be optimisstic, but also realize that the odds are against us. We will see next month! I feel a sense of relief at this point at knowing that we are moving in the right direction and are going to be under the care of a good RE!!

The Wait Is Over...

Tomorrow is our first appointment with the RE (a reproductive endocrinologist). I cant even begin to tell you how excited I am to finally move forward with SOMETHING, even if it's just starting out with the all the testing. I cant wait to finally have some sort of plan in order for me to get pregnant. I am also quit nervous as to what he is going to say our options are given our MFI issues. I am pretty sure that we will have to move straight to IVF, and to be honest even though I already know that...hearing it from the Dr. is going to be tough to swallow. All the injections, tests, Dr. visits, ultra sounds, blood work, and MONEY that IVF requires is going to be a lot to take in. But I am not a Dr. so I guess we'll see! I know we will have to do a lot of testing before we could even start any kind of treatment.

It is kind of a bitter sweet appointment. On one hand I am extremely happy to be seeing a Dr. who's job it is to get you pregnant and finally move forward, and on the other hand I never thought it would come to this. I am really looking forward to it though, and will be sure to update my blog as soon as I get back!

Wish me luck!

The Arizona Science Center

Today we went to the Arizona Science Center to see the Grossology exhibit. It was fun, and Kay learned a lot! We learned about everything and anything in the world that is gross! Bacteria, farts, bugs, poop, boogers, burps, you name it and we learned about it.

And of course even at the science center there was something to remind me of having a baby....or the lack there of. There was a whole section dedicated to how babies are made, with pictures, models of the baby at each month during the pregnancy, and then a video of a baby being born. It was great for Kay because she has been asking me for about a month now how babies are made. So it was very interesting to her. Plus she could actually see about the things I have been telling her about. For example, babies start out as small as a little seed then grow bigger and bigger until they are ready to be born. So I think she understands a little better now that she had a visual.

On the other hand it was extremely hard for me going in there, with Shelly especially. She was showing Kloey (their 6 year old) the model of the 12 week fetus and said "See this is what mommies babies look like in my tummy right now, but there's two of them in there" As she held on to her double stroller with the twins they already have. At that moment I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, hurt, anger, frustration, and longing. I want this SO bad, I just wanted to SCREAM!!

Then it was back onto other exhibits. All in all we had a great time though. I love going there, it is always interesting!

Only Child Syndrome

Kay defiantly has it. Since we have 3 other children in our house this week it has been undeniable since they arrived at our house. She plays well with others, shares her toys, and is kind, so that's not the issue. The issue is when the attention is not on her, or another child is being focused on more than her. She cant stand it. She will either start pouting or make a big dramatic scene to put the attention back on her.

On another note, one of the kids at our house is a 6 year old little girl and let me tell you how much Kay is LOVING having someone to play with!! It has actually made it much easier on me because she is not constantly needing my attention. While we were driving in the car yesterday I could not help but imagine that those were my two children in the backseat singing songs and laughing together. Then I quickly realized that that will never happen. I will never have that. I will never have children that close in age that have things in common with each other. But it was nice to dream, even if it was just for a moment.

Stressed Out

This whole week I have just been stressed out, grumpy, and just not like my usual happy go lucky self. It sucks, I hate it.

A lot of it is this damn house, and the hoops the city of phoenix is making us go through. UGH...now we are having to apply for a hillside grading and drainage wavier (we live on a 1 acre hillside lot, and you can only disturb so much of your property). This is a long, expensive, and stressful process. It goes to hearing and everything. It just NOT fair, simply because even though our house is bigger than all of our neighbors, we still have the most undisturbed natural desert. I stated this in my appeal today, but it just pisses me off. The past three days I have been doing nothing but gathering all the necessary info I needed to submit with our appeal today. I should be getting a call back in the next week or so for a meeting with the city representatives, and then we will have the hearing.

The other thing that is really stressing me out is that on Friday, I have DH's daughter who is pregnant with her SECOND set of twins (which she cant afford) her husband, and their 3 kids coming into town and staying at our house for a week. So I have to get this house ready for guests and babies. I have not spoke with her since I heard the news.....and honestly, there is NO WAY in hell I am going to be able to look at her and say "Congratulations" because there is nothing to congratulate. I am sorry if that sounds mean, but that's how I feel. This is by far the dumbest thing they could have ever done, given they can barley afford the 3 kids they have and we had to support them (sent 700 a month!!) throughout her entire last pregnancy with the twins they already have because she was on bed rest. We do not have money to support their mistakes this time. They are old enough (27 and 32) to pay for their own actions and not try and rely on my husband. We are about to shell out butt loads of money just to conceive a child of our own. It really just makes me sick...

Them coming and staying with us for a week is going to be really hard on me emotionally. Here we are struggling with infertility to have ONE child of our own and here she comes, in her state, pregnant with her second set of twins....I just honestly don't know if I can take it.

I Found My Dream Car

OMG, can you believe this car?!? It is covered in diamonds and is 4.8 million dollars. It is owned by....get this....Prince Waleed of Saudi Arabia. I guess someone is benefiting from the insane gas prices.

The Melting Pot

Me and some friends had dinner at the Melting Pot last night and it was a BLAST! I have never been there before and it was defiantly an experience. I love going places that are different and fun and that's what the Melting Pot is! First you get your cheese fondue pot with breads, chips and veggie to dip, then a salad, then they bring out the main course cooking sauce simmering in the fondue pot with all the different things to cook in it. Filet, chicken, shrimp, pork, lobster, veggies, and they give you all these yummy dipping sauces for everything too! And last but not least the chocolate fondue with lots of yummy things to dip! We had such a good time, and got a little crazy with the chocolate fondue and we weren't even drinking!! I love my girls : )