Tuesday, July 1, 2008

One Year

That's how long its been since I stopped taking birth control pills. One year of trying and no baby.

I remember the day I took my last pill in July of 2007. I was so freaked out thinking I would get PG right away. I felt so vulnerable and so unprotected, but yet so happy to finally have the 2 children I had been dreaming about. It was weird to think that we were actually going to be TRYING to have a baby considering both Kaylee and DH's 2 children were completely unplanned. That day my DH also told me "Be careful, if you sit too close to me in church you'll wind up pregnant" and "Oh you'll be PG in 2 weeks watch!!" Because he was VERY fertile back in the day. At this time we obviously had no idea what his meds were doing to his swimmers. Each month I would count how far apart my kids would be "if I get PG this month they will be xx years apart and so on" and "This time next year the baby will be xx months old". Well that shit flew out the window because all that does is make me sad. I just try not to think about it anymore because it is out of my control. It really bothers me. I wanted my kids to be NO MORE than 4 years apart...and that will never happen. I need to come to terms with it though. It is very hard for me to accept...but I am working on it.

So here we are...a year later, no baby, not pregnant and still kind of in shock that we are having to do fertility treatments. Its quite sad. Fuck you infertility! You are so UNFAIR!


Amber and Brian said...

You are handling it so well, Lisa! Keep your head up.

Michelle said...

Wow a year already... Feck infertility! Just look at it this way... when you do get PG, Kaylee will be old enough to be the best helper ever!