So you all know I had my repeat HSG last cycle and the plan was to finish up my testing this cycle, then we would be free to pursue treatments anytime after that. Much much MUCH to my surprise I started AF on Sunday morning, making it a 28 day cycle!!!!!!! Which is AMAZING!! That has not happened since I was on the birth control pill years and years ago!!! Happy dance! I am lucky to have a 35 day cycle, so I was very surprised...although it makes since why I have been so evil this last week. Either way, I was happy and who knows maybe this will be a new trend...I sure hope so!
I called in on Sunday to schedule my cycle day 3 testing, which includes a visit with the vag cam (a internal ultra sound), and blood work to check hormone levels. I also scheduled my follow up consult with my RE for 3 weeks from now, as he wanted to see me after I completed my testing but before we start treatments again. Done and done.
I went in today to complete that testing and what do ya know....Momma's rocking a big 30mm cyst on my right ovary! And I paid 765.00 for them to tell me that and that I cant get my b/w done with a cyst. Figures. I hate being out of pocket too, that makes it so mcuh worse! See this is how infertility works unfortunately, and THIS is why it takes months and months to get things done! So I'll have sit out a whole other cycle and go back in on my next CD 3 to check to see if the cyst is gone, and if it is then I can finish up my testing and consult with my RE. So at BEST I cant cycle until April. And that's if the cyst goes away and if my body cooperates.
I am pretty sure it will be gone, this isn't the first time I have have a large cyst. And all the other times I've had one it was resolved by the next cycle thankfully. So we'll see. I'm not too upset because I didn't plan on cycling again until April or May, so it's fine. I actually sort of laughed because Of course I have a cyst...I've been through this all before, so I know how it goes. Still sucks when you are trying to do something or get something done and things beyond your control are stopping you. I just hope this is the only bump in road, because I haven't even really gotten started yet and this is our last shot!
Oh and did I mention that I hate being out of pocket?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
If You Want To Jump Start Your Diet...
Drink one of these...
But don't drink more than 2 in a week, got it? Trust me on that one ; ) My BFF in LA swears by these Kumbucha drinks, so when we went out for a picnic on my last day there we picked one up a the local heath food store (they can be found at most health food stores or Whole Foods). After a weekend of eating horribly we needed to get back on track. It is a raw, organic, enzyme, living organism drink that really gets things moving if you know what I mean. It doesn't taste the greatest, but I can choke down 1/2 at time. I've really never had anything like it. Its a great way to jump start your diet! And don't freak by all the little things swimming it....that's the good make you skinny stuff! It's weird, but it works!
Meal Planning
So I finally got some time to sit down and write up a meal plan for this week. I also got a Bountiful Basket this weekend after weeks of hiatus. What a wonderful basket it was too I must say. Asparagus, cherries, strawberries, cauliflower and cucumbers just to name a few. I must say that after a couple weeks of "winging it" again boy did I pay a price. My grocery bill really went up and dinner time became much more of a headache. So back on track with my meal plans this week!
- Grilled Filet Mignon with mashed cauliflower, mixed veggies, and a side salad.
- Jerk Style Shrimp (I use already peeled/deveined shrimp and I take the tails off) with Ginger Lentil Brown Rice (help from the grocery store) and steamed asparagus.
- White Bean Turkey Chili with cornbread muffins
- Soy Sesame Chicken (I just marinate cubed chicken breast in my favorite soy sesame sauce from the grocery store) with peppers, green onions, and maybe some pineapple chunks served over organic jasmine rice.
- Low Fat Baked Ziti with Spinach served with a pear (thinly sliced), walnut, and shaved parmesan arugula salad. So easy, I call this my "Italian" inspired salad because I had it while we were in Italy. Just toss all those ingredients together with a squeeze of lemon juice, salt, pepper, and EVOO- just how they serve it in Italy! So light and delish!
Monday, January 24, 2011
M.I.A
I feel like I have been neglecting my blog lately. Truth is I have been trying to find the time to blog and have a running list of draft posts that I am working on, but with a very hectic schedule right now, a toddler, a school aged child, and dealing with one shit storm after the next I just haven't had to time to sit down and write!
Shit storm #1: I had a week from hell last week! Thursday morning I went for a hike at one of the 2 places I always go and when I came back to my car I noticed that my back window was smashed out. Of course, I left my purse inside (covered up, one the other side of the car no less and only because I had to go to Walgreen's after because Miss M was sick) So my purse, wallet (including 300-400 cash), and all its contents were stolen. What a mess that has been. I have no ID, no debit card, no credit card, no lip glosses, NOTHING! Thank god I had my keys and phone with me. But I'm out my 500 Coach purse, my 200 Coach wallet, the 300-400 cash (and I never carry cash, but I like to have cash when I travel and had just came back from LA), about 200 worth of MAC lipglosses, a 50 gift card, and other who knows what items. UGH. So I've been dealing with all that...
Shit Storm #2: Miss M was sick all late last week; fever, runny nose, cough, coughing till she threw up cough, and all that jazz. She also finally cut her first set of molars, for a total of 10 teeth now! A teething AND sick baby. So it's been real fun. And BIG news: Kay LOST her first tooth! More on this to come...
Shit Storm #3: 2 days ago my dishwasher broke. So I've been forced to hand wash- which takes up A LOT OF TIME. Blog time. I'm in a crisis here people, and they cant come to fix it until Thursday!
I am leaving for a one day business trip tomorrow to San Fransisco, and thank god I have a passport or else I would be screwed with a capitol S. Because I have no ID, and there for would not have been able to fly. Its a very short trip (literally 24 hours) and I wont have any free time while I am there, so no blog love for a couple days. But when I return and pull my life together again I hope to post about the following:
-Miss M's 12 month update; yes she is almost 13 months now I realize this.
-How Kay lost her tooth!
-Pictures and all about my trip to LA
-Pictures from M's first birthday
-And finally losing this last 10 pounds!
Be back soon :)
Shit storm #1: I had a week from hell last week! Thursday morning I went for a hike at one of the 2 places I always go and when I came back to my car I noticed that my back window was smashed out. Of course, I left my purse inside (covered up, one the other side of the car no less and only because I had to go to Walgreen's after because Miss M was sick) So my purse, wallet (including 300-400 cash), and all its contents were stolen. What a mess that has been. I have no ID, no debit card, no credit card, no lip glosses, NOTHING! Thank god I had my keys and phone with me. But I'm out my 500 Coach purse, my 200 Coach wallet, the 300-400 cash (and I never carry cash, but I like to have cash when I travel and had just came back from LA), about 200 worth of MAC lipglosses, a 50 gift card, and other who knows what items. UGH. So I've been dealing with all that...
Shit Storm #2: Miss M was sick all late last week; fever, runny nose, cough, coughing till she threw up cough, and all that jazz. She also finally cut her first set of molars, for a total of 10 teeth now! A teething AND sick baby. So it's been real fun. And BIG news: Kay LOST her first tooth! More on this to come...
Shit Storm #3: 2 days ago my dishwasher broke. So I've been forced to hand wash- which takes up A LOT OF TIME. Blog time. I'm in a crisis here people, and they cant come to fix it until Thursday!
I am leaving for a one day business trip tomorrow to San Fransisco, and thank god I have a passport or else I would be screwed with a capitol S. Because I have no ID, and there for would not have been able to fly. Its a very short trip (literally 24 hours) and I wont have any free time while I am there, so no blog love for a couple days. But when I return and pull my life together again I hope to post about the following:
-Miss M's 12 month update; yes she is almost 13 months now I realize this.
-How Kay lost her tooth!
-Pictures and all about my trip to LA
-Pictures from M's first birthday
-And finally losing this last 10 pounds!
Be back soon :)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Work
I rarely talk about my work and what I do here on my blog, but believe it or not I do work! So I thought I would write a post about it to share a little bit more about my work life. Plus I always like to see how other moms juggle working while being a mom. I am fortunate enough to be able to have the best of both worlds because I work part time from home. Dream right?! Well let me tell you how this is possible and how I make it work.
We own a business. A Internet based eCommerce business and we ship products worldwide. My husband started this business 10 years ago, and after we met and I moved in I started working for the business. We have 6 employees who work at our office/warehouse and I do all the payroll, insurance, HR, taxes, bookkeeping, I do check runs twice a month and manage other operational things that have to get done. I do all my work from home, but stop by the office to check in with everyone 1-2 times per week. I also help manage my husband (who is the CEO and President) and I guess if I gave myself a title (which I don't, I don't need a title) it would be CFO, Operations Manager, Office Manager, HR, and Bookkeeper.
When I first started working for the business I was full time with Kay in daycare full time, but I quickly got burnt out and really really wanted to have more time with her. We were (and are) financially secure enough for me to do that, so I backed off my hours and reduced her time in daycare/preschool to just 3 days per week. Once I did that, it took me a while to learn to balance it out and get the most out of my "work" time. And I surely don't think I have it all figured out yet (do we ever?) but I have found a rhythm to this whole working-at-home thing now since i have been doing it for the past 5 years.
Once Miss M was born, I tried my best to keep up my pace (I came home from the hospital on Sunday afternoon and was working doing payroll on Monday morning!) I tried the whole "I will just work while she naps" thing and within 4 months of her being alive I was BURIED alive in work. I had gotten so behind and could not catch up for the life of me. Every time I would start to work, she would wake up, or she would need a bottle, or the phone would ring. Plus I was also trying to adjust to being a mother of 2 and making sure that Kay was adjusting well too... So when she was 4 months old I hired the nanny to come 2 full days per week. She comes Monday and Thursday from 9-4 and I dedicate those hours to getting my work done. Keep in ind I still work on other days; for example I worked a few hours yesterday and today because sometimes things cant wait until the next Monday or Thursday. And some days I don't work at all, which is nice!
I love being able to work from home, and wouldn't not trade it for the world, but it's work and it does have its downside. A lot of people think because I work at home that I don't work, which is not true at all. I am responsible for a lot of very important things with the business, and I do work! However, it is very easy to get side tracked, which makes it very easy to get behind. I still feel like I am always splaying catch up, because my work hours are limited I really have to manage my time well and sometimes I fall behind with this. Now its hard because Miss M knows I'm here and constantly wants to see me. Then the nanny comes and grabs her, then she cries, then she tried to come to me again, so now I have to pretend I am actually leaving the house to trick her! I will put my shoes on, kiss her, tell her bye bye and that Mommy will see her later, and walk out the door....then I sneak back in the back door and to my desk. And as long as I don't talk- she doesn't know I am here! Ahhhh its' crazy! The nanny does take her our for a few hours too while she is here, so that helps too.
In total I probably work 18-20 hours per week. To me, its the perfect balance between being a mom and working. I feel like I am productive outside of my mommy duties but I still get to have all the luxuries of a stay at home mom. I will always feel a push and pull, like I should be doing more work some days, or days where I wish I could just let it all go, but overall I am very happy and lucky to have the flexibility.
We own a business. A Internet based eCommerce business and we ship products worldwide. My husband started this business 10 years ago, and after we met and I moved in I started working for the business. We have 6 employees who work at our office/warehouse and I do all the payroll, insurance, HR, taxes, bookkeeping, I do check runs twice a month and manage other operational things that have to get done. I do all my work from home, but stop by the office to check in with everyone 1-2 times per week. I also help manage my husband (who is the CEO and President) and I guess if I gave myself a title (which I don't, I don't need a title) it would be CFO, Operations Manager, Office Manager, HR, and Bookkeeper.
When I first started working for the business I was full time with Kay in daycare full time, but I quickly got burnt out and really really wanted to have more time with her. We were (and are) financially secure enough for me to do that, so I backed off my hours and reduced her time in daycare/preschool to just 3 days per week. Once I did that, it took me a while to learn to balance it out and get the most out of my "work" time. And I surely don't think I have it all figured out yet (do we ever?) but I have found a rhythm to this whole working-at-home thing now since i have been doing it for the past 5 years.
Once Miss M was born, I tried my best to keep up my pace (I came home from the hospital on Sunday afternoon and was working doing payroll on Monday morning!) I tried the whole "I will just work while she naps" thing and within 4 months of her being alive I was BURIED alive in work. I had gotten so behind and could not catch up for the life of me. Every time I would start to work, she would wake up, or she would need a bottle, or the phone would ring. Plus I was also trying to adjust to being a mother of 2 and making sure that Kay was adjusting well too... So when she was 4 months old I hired the nanny to come 2 full days per week. She comes Monday and Thursday from 9-4 and I dedicate those hours to getting my work done. Keep in ind I still work on other days; for example I worked a few hours yesterday and today because sometimes things cant wait until the next Monday or Thursday. And some days I don't work at all, which is nice!
I love being able to work from home, and wouldn't not trade it for the world, but it's work and it does have its downside. A lot of people think because I work at home that I don't work, which is not true at all. I am responsible for a lot of very important things with the business, and I do work! However, it is very easy to get side tracked, which makes it very easy to get behind. I still feel like I am always splaying catch up, because my work hours are limited I really have to manage my time well and sometimes I fall behind with this. Now its hard because Miss M knows I'm here and constantly wants to see me. Then the nanny comes and grabs her, then she cries, then she tried to come to me again, so now I have to pretend I am actually leaving the house to trick her! I will put my shoes on, kiss her, tell her bye bye and that Mommy will see her later, and walk out the door....then I sneak back in the back door and to my desk. And as long as I don't talk- she doesn't know I am here! Ahhhh its' crazy! The nanny does take her our for a few hours too while she is here, so that helps too.
In total I probably work 18-20 hours per week. To me, its the perfect balance between being a mom and working. I feel like I am productive outside of my mommy duties but I still get to have all the luxuries of a stay at home mom. I will always feel a push and pull, like I should be doing more work some days, or days where I wish I could just let it all go, but overall I am very happy and lucky to have the flexibility.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wordless Wednesday
A sneak peak from Miss M's birthday party- click on the photo to view it bigger! More to come...
Friday, January 14, 2011
Good Day LA
Me and the girls are heading back to LA today for a long weekend! You can read about the last time we went this summer here) We are going to see my BFF and her baby and have a girls weekend (my DH is not coming and hers is out of town). I love Los Angeles and so wish we could afford to live like we do here there and buy in a nice house up in the hills. Unfortunately, we'd have to sell our nice big house here and squeeze into a 2 bedroom condo if we wanted to do that. The cost of living there is INSANE. But oh how I love it there...
One fun and exciting thing I am looking forward to this trip is that I got one of DH's little nieces that lives there to come babysit on Sunday night!!We are going OUT!! And guess what else??! Sunday night is the Golden Globe Awards!! So it is going down! We are planning to do it up and go all out!! Have a fancy dinner at STK, pregame at the Roosevelt Hotel (even if we have to drink mock tails since we are such light weights), and then see where life takes us. Who knows what celebrities we'll be bumping elbows with that night, I'm SURE I'll have some stories. This is a much long overdue Mom's Night Out, it has been at least 5 years since we were able to go out together and neither of us get to do that normally, so we are VERY EXCITED! Already planning outfits... Have a great weekend everyone!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
HSG Take 2
I know I said just a few posts ago about how I was going to postpone my HSG and all my other testing until next cycle. but after talking with the nurses at my RE's office I decided to go ahead with the HSG this cycle. (if you want to know what a HSG is, go here). The reason is that the HSG can only be done between cycle days 6-10 and cant be done during a treatment cycle, and because I only get a period every 6 weeks, it was best to just get this one out of the way.
If you've been reading my blog since the beginning, you know I've already had this test while seeing my RE to TTC Miss Little M. And even though I have already done it already and knew what I was walking into, I was straight trippin this time about it. This test also checks for uterine abnormalities, and since I have had a csection since the last time, it was freaking me out that something (i don't know scar tissue or something?) would make it hurt. The idea that a knife CUT THROUGH MY UTERUS and that his man is about to fill me up with dye was good reason enough to freak, right?
Well once again, it was all that worry for nothing. I lied there and watched the dye effortlessly fill up my uterus, then flow right through my tubes. My ute looked "perfect" and the whole procedure was painless! Minus a little bleeding and some cramping...Thank you sweet baby Jesus!!
So the rest of the testing will commence next cycle (cycle day 3 testing; blood work and a visit with the trusty vag cam!)
Time to get reacquainted this this guy...
If you've been reading my blog since the beginning, you know I've already had this test while seeing my RE to TTC Miss Little M. And even though I have already done it already and knew what I was walking into, I was straight trippin this time about it. This test also checks for uterine abnormalities, and since I have had a csection since the last time, it was freaking me out that something (i don't know scar tissue or something?) would make it hurt. The idea that a knife CUT THROUGH MY UTERUS and that his man is about to fill me up with dye was good reason enough to freak, right?
Well once again, it was all that worry for nothing. I lied there and watched the dye effortlessly fill up my uterus, then flow right through my tubes. My ute looked "perfect" and the whole procedure was painless! Minus a little bleeding and some cramping...Thank you sweet baby Jesus!!
So the rest of the testing will commence next cycle (cycle day 3 testing; blood work and a visit with the trusty vag cam!)
Time to get reacquainted this this guy...
Monday, January 10, 2011
Birthday Bliss
I am dying to share pictures from Miss M's fabulous birthday party, but since I had a photographer friend come over to take pictures, I didn't take very many myself. And thank god I had her because I was too busy hosting and running around to really take the pictures myself. I am still waiting to get them from her but here are the few I managed to capture with my own camera!
The party was a HUGE success! I really think I out did myself once again. Everyone seemed to like the all the details I worked so hard on. Miss M was in great spirits and we celebrated with our closest friends and family. The people that really matter in our life. It was perfect! and I will say that I cried. I made a video montage of her first year, and although I didn't cry the first time I watched it...when we played it at the party it all hit me. This has been the best, most fulfilling year of my life and we couldn't be more blessed than with the two beautiful girls we have. It's was those moments in time that are the most important and I wanted to make it as special as possible and I think I managed to do that :)
Anyways, the second I get the pictures back from her (sometime this week) I will post them...promise!!
After everyone left and an outfit change...
The party was a HUGE success! I really think I out did myself once again. Everyone seemed to like the all the details I worked so hard on. Miss M was in great spirits and we celebrated with our closest friends and family. The people that really matter in our life. It was perfect! and I will say that I cried. I made a video montage of her first year, and although I didn't cry the first time I watched it...when we played it at the party it all hit me. This has been the best, most fulfilling year of my life and we couldn't be more blessed than with the two beautiful girls we have. It's was those moments in time that are the most important and I wanted to make it as special as possible and I think I managed to do that :)
Anyways, the second I get the pictures back from her (sometime this week) I will post them...promise!!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Ouch
I decided that not to start my infertility testing until next cycle...somehow I forgot just how EXPENSIVE it is!! We have no infertility coverage what so ever and just for my initial testing (before ANY treatments can be done) its going to cost us around 1,200 dollars. Also, since yesterday was cycle day 2, I would have had to go in today and that just wasn't happening. So I will wait until next cycle for testing, and then it will probably be a cycle or two before after that we pursue anything else....I'll keep you posted as we go along!
In other news, Miss M not only cut tooth # 7 and 8, she is also getting her first set of molars!! And that's another thing I forgot, is just how hard getting molars in is....its been ROUGH around here the last few days. I guess I have a bad case of mommy amnesia because this shit is crazy! And get this, Kay looks like she is getting her big girl tooth behind her wobbly baby tooth...so she's teething too! Not sure if that normal or not, but I will have to keep an eye on it. Her tooth is pretty loose, but not ready to pop out yet. I'm in teething hell I tell ya!
I am also in full on party planning mode and I just cant wait to see it all come together!! I cant wait to share pictures from her party!! I'll give you a hint...I spent all day today hanging 150 snowflakes from my ceiling!! Yes, I am crazy!! But birthdays are a really big deal to me, and this is a very special day! Miss M's FIRST ever birthday party! Cant wait!!
In other news, Miss M not only cut tooth # 7 and 8, she is also getting her first set of molars!! And that's another thing I forgot, is just how hard getting molars in is....its been ROUGH around here the last few days. I guess I have a bad case of mommy amnesia because this shit is crazy! And get this, Kay looks like she is getting her big girl tooth behind her wobbly baby tooth...so she's teething too! Not sure if that normal or not, but I will have to keep an eye on it. Her tooth is pretty loose, but not ready to pop out yet. I'm in teething hell I tell ya!
I am also in full on party planning mode and I just cant wait to see it all come together!! I cant wait to share pictures from her party!! I'll give you a hint...I spent all day today hanging 150 snowflakes from my ceiling!! Yes, I am crazy!! But birthdays are a really big deal to me, and this is a very special day! Miss M's FIRST ever birthday party! Cant wait!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What Have I Got Myself Into
Yesterday was my consult with my RE (aka the baby making Dr.). Driving there I had butterflies in my stomach...wondering how I was going to feel walking in there again. Part of me was so scared that all those nasty feelings would come rushing back and part of me was very excited! Part of me couldn't believe I was actually doing what I was doing. Going BACK to the infertility Dr! It all just seemed so surreal driving there. Do I really want to do this all again? Do I really want to put myself back in that place? I keep telling myself that this was just a consult, just an appointment to see what our options are and I really have been looking forward to this but reality hit me driving there and it was like WHOA I cant believe I am here!
I walked in, signed myself in, and sat down with a magazine. It was after lunch, so pretty soon, one by one, couples started coming in. I was soon surrounded by people whispering about the cost of IVF, how 8,000.00 was better than the 12,000.00 last time, husbands dropping off sperm samples, and that awkward silence that seems to loom over the waiting room. Ya know because being at a infertility Dr. is such a happy place and all. And I surprisingly was calm and comfortable, which is what I was worried about. It was much less scary being there now that I've done it all before. Much less.
They all remembered me, which is another thing that surprised me. I haven't been there since May/June 2009! My RE walked out and gave me a hug and said it was nice to see me...I asked him if he knew then that I'd be back one day and that M just turned a year old. It was a much more casual encounter than a typical reproductive consult, probably because I have worked with RESOLVE and met him and his family at the Walk of Hope for the last 2 years. He has twins that he conceived by doing his own IVF! I guess that one of the perks...making your your own babies! The unconventional way.
We sat down and after talking about the baby and my crazy birth story, we got down to business. I told him I was there because we have thought about having another baby, but after I hit 12 weeks he went back on the testosterone shot...to which he yelled out "NOOOOOO". Yeah, I know. That's like saying I wanna get pregnant but I have no uterus! I reminded him that we had 2 sperm samples and as we looked over the analysis of those, we realized that even though that is the case, it doesn't look too promising for us, unless we want to do IVF with ICSI. I mean we have a shot and could use them for insemination's, but achieving a pregnancy realistically may not happen.
And this is why.
The 2 sperm samples my husband submitted filled 13 little vials. Each one of those vials contains contains 4 ml of fluid. In each one of my husbands 13 vials there in somewhere between 2-3 million sperm. And when defrosting frozen sperm you lose up to 50% in the thaw and spin. So yeah, 13 vials sounds like so much, but really its crap because there probably only 1-2 mil. good sperm in each one of those vials.
This all got me thinking about how donor sperm works, I mean its frozen and people use it all the time! Well he told me that in a donor sperm vial there would be a minimum 10 mil. sperm per vial and that's a minimum. And my DH has 2-3mil. Now do you see the problem? I means its not impossible, just unlikely.
Dr. J and I tossed around some other ideas....like DH going back on HCG injects and just trying fresh IUI's (given the hcg worked again). But that is asking a lot out of my husband- injects 3x per week, more sperm analysis's (after M was born he told me he would never do it in a cup again, poor guy..hahaha!), and all the monitoring. I'm just not sure he would be down to put his body through that again. And I don't blame him. We put him through so much trying to have M, and although we know now what worked, like I said I'm just not sure he would go through all that again. I know what he going to say...lets just use what we have.
My RE did say he would like to "just see" if he is making any sperm now that he is back on male birth control, although highly highly unlikely there much going on in there. I am interested to see myself, so I brought home a sperm collection cup and put a smiley face on it.....he may throw it at me. We'll see ; ) See isn't this romantic?
Then we moved onto to me.
I asked him if he thinks I should repeat all my testing (CD 3 u/s, b/w, and the dreaded HSG) and he thinks that because our sperm is so scarce, he would hate to use it all up for nothing if I did have a blocked tube (even though they were wide open last time, that can change) and I agree! I really don't mind doing it, because it really would all be for nothing if a tube is blocked and that's the only way to tell. I mean I am not looking forward to it, being that some people have been known to pass out from the pain. But if you remember last time I had it done, I was one of the lucky ones....it was not bad at all for me! So I'm game.
So "the plan" for now is to at least get my testing done this cycle or next and at least use the sperm we have with IUI's sometime before May (that's when we have to pay our storage fees again, and I have a unopened 300 unit cartridge of Follistim in my fridge I want to use that expires in June). We probably have enough for maybe 2 IUI's. Last time it took 3. And its frozen sperm. And I'm just not sure if I should get myself all "We're going to have another baby mode" because the reality is, it doesn't look too great and we don't have infinite resources. We are all out of pocket and these treatments aren't cheap!! I'm just not sure how far we are willing to go or even IF we are willing to pursue anything if this doesn't work. I mean we are blessed enough to have 2 beautiful little girls and I know how lucky I am to even have them, so I guess I might have to just find a way to be done if this doesn't work.
So here we are again.....
Should I put my infertility acronyms back up on my side panel? Or do yall understand what, IF, BC, U/S, B/W, S/A, and OOP mean? : )
I walked in, signed myself in, and sat down with a magazine. It was after lunch, so pretty soon, one by one, couples started coming in. I was soon surrounded by people whispering about the cost of IVF, how 8,000.00 was better than the 12,000.00 last time, husbands dropping off sperm samples, and that awkward silence that seems to loom over the waiting room. Ya know because being at a infertility Dr. is such a happy place and all. And I surprisingly was calm and comfortable, which is what I was worried about. It was much less scary being there now that I've done it all before. Much less.
They all remembered me, which is another thing that surprised me. I haven't been there since May/June 2009! My RE walked out and gave me a hug and said it was nice to see me...I asked him if he knew then that I'd be back one day and that M just turned a year old. It was a much more casual encounter than a typical reproductive consult, probably because I have worked with RESOLVE and met him and his family at the Walk of Hope for the last 2 years. He has twins that he conceived by doing his own IVF! I guess that one of the perks...making your your own babies! The unconventional way.
We sat down and after talking about the baby and my crazy birth story, we got down to business. I told him I was there because we have thought about having another baby, but after I hit 12 weeks he went back on the testosterone shot...to which he yelled out "NOOOOOO". Yeah, I know. That's like saying I wanna get pregnant but I have no uterus! I reminded him that we had 2 sperm samples and as we looked over the analysis of those, we realized that even though that is the case, it doesn't look too promising for us, unless we want to do IVF with ICSI. I mean we have a shot and could use them for insemination's, but achieving a pregnancy realistically may not happen.
And this is why.
The 2 sperm samples my husband submitted filled 13 little vials. Each one of those vials contains contains 4 ml of fluid. In each one of my husbands 13 vials there in somewhere between 2-3 million sperm. And when defrosting frozen sperm you lose up to 50% in the thaw and spin. So yeah, 13 vials sounds like so much, but really its crap because there probably only 1-2 mil. good sperm in each one of those vials.
This all got me thinking about how donor sperm works, I mean its frozen and people use it all the time! Well he told me that in a donor sperm vial there would be a minimum 10 mil. sperm per vial and that's a minimum. And my DH has 2-3mil. Now do you see the problem? I means its not impossible, just unlikely.
Dr. J and I tossed around some other ideas....like DH going back on HCG injects and just trying fresh IUI's (given the hcg worked again). But that is asking a lot out of my husband- injects 3x per week, more sperm analysis's (after M was born he told me he would never do it in a cup again, poor guy..hahaha!), and all the monitoring. I'm just not sure he would be down to put his body through that again. And I don't blame him. We put him through so much trying to have M, and although we know now what worked, like I said I'm just not sure he would go through all that again. I know what he going to say...lets just use what we have.
My RE did say he would like to "just see" if he is making any sperm now that he is back on male birth control, although highly highly unlikely there much going on in there. I am interested to see myself, so I brought home a sperm collection cup and put a smiley face on it.....he may throw it at me. We'll see ; ) See isn't this romantic?
Then we moved onto to me.
I asked him if he thinks I should repeat all my testing (CD 3 u/s, b/w, and the dreaded HSG) and he thinks that because our sperm is so scarce, he would hate to use it all up for nothing if I did have a blocked tube (even though they were wide open last time, that can change) and I agree! I really don't mind doing it, because it really would all be for nothing if a tube is blocked and that's the only way to tell. I mean I am not looking forward to it, being that some people have been known to pass out from the pain. But if you remember last time I had it done, I was one of the lucky ones....it was not bad at all for me! So I'm game.
So "the plan" for now is to at least get my testing done this cycle or next and at least use the sperm we have with IUI's sometime before May (that's when we have to pay our storage fees again, and I have a unopened 300 unit cartridge of Follistim in my fridge I want to use that expires in June). We probably have enough for maybe 2 IUI's. Last time it took 3. And its frozen sperm. And I'm just not sure if I should get myself all "We're going to have another baby mode" because the reality is, it doesn't look too great and we don't have infinite resources. We are all out of pocket and these treatments aren't cheap!! I'm just not sure how far we are willing to go or even IF we are willing to pursue anything if this doesn't work. I mean we are blessed enough to have 2 beautiful little girls and I know how lucky I am to even have them, so I guess I might have to just find a way to be done if this doesn't work.
So here we are again.....
Should I put my infertility acronyms back up on my side panel? Or do yall understand what, IF, BC, U/S, B/W, S/A, and OOP mean? : )
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